Every time I tell someone what happens in my life they always make a sarcastic comment about how my life should be reality show. No Duh! That's what I have been saying for years. The events that happen in my life or least the WAY it happens is not scripted and the tagline to the first season of my fake reality show should be titled: Warning: This really happened.
Where to begin. I was minding my own business Saturday night when all of a sudden I see a text message from someone. It wasn't until I opened up the message I notice who it was from and immediately my heart sank. It was from the most recent ex-frog of course. There was no real substance to it. And I laughed a bit inside for two reasons: Reason #1 being had he NOT texted me that day it would have been 1 whole month without any communication from him and I was perfectly fine with it. This is how it should be. However he could not even last 30 days. Reason #2 this was funny to me is because he was the one in our very last communication with each other who told me what unless I could get my act together that perhaps we should not remain in touch anymore. Point noted, I agreed with the no contact part but I guess he was the one who needed to get his act together because clearly he has proven over and over (and over) again that he is not a man of his word. The one thing I asked you to do was NOT contact me and that is the one thing you have failed at over and over again. I was really tempted to write to him: You keep this up and you will read about it in my blog and I know how much you love reading about yourself here. But the adult in me took over and refrained from saying that. And if he's clever enough and curious enough I am sure he is reading this right now.
So what happens next? I am on a rainy drive back from dropping my sister off at college when I start receiving text messages from two of my ex-boyfriends at the same time. What do I do, do I focus on driving in the rain or read the messages and write back? Okay, so I have been occasionally known to text and drive (everybody does it). And in my defense traffic wasn't moving at all and I was practically at a stand still. Who are these two people? the Ex-frog and Mr. NYC of course. The ex-frog just basically wrote to me but he was talking to himself when he proclaimed that be probably shouldn't have texted, called and then texted me again and that maybe it was time to delete my number of his phone. Brilliant thinking: would you like a cookie for that? Or do you want the invisible helmet back that you "gave" me in our last email exchange with each other?
The NYC saga is continuous now and I have been having a lot of fun with rejecting his "offers". This time around Mr. NYC is trying to convince me to come see him Labor Day Weekend and sighting reasons I should go see him. He's so determined to see me that he even proposed making a 5 hour drive to down to me if I was unwilling to go to him. Trust me I found this very amusing - partly because one of the reasons he told me for us breaking up is the whole distance thing and how he really hated making a 5 hour trip down. What happened to that Mr. NYC? Need I remind you of that conversation? It just kept getting more amusing hour by hour. Basically I just wanted to milk this situation for what it was worth and have some fun so I told him to tell me that he misses me and get it over with it already so he can get it out of his system lol.
And in case anyone is wondering - no one is going to see anyone. Having some innocent fun is one thing but I am at a point in my life where all this needs to stop. As of last night at midnight his great big epiphany was that we both want to see each other and we should just "make it happen". Haha, okay truth be told, I have been waiting for the satisfaction of rejecting him for a long time and nothing gives me more pleasure than simply saying NO. Plus he knows what is going on in my life right now and what he is suggesting is just plain wrong.
On a strange side note today I also found out that Mr. I Smoke Six Packs A Day with a messy bathroom got married. I was cleaning out my Facebook messages and apparently there is a feature where your previous deleted messages get stored as "archived messages". Yes I know...sometimes I just bring it upon myself but seriously though you know I had to click on his profile picture and see who that girl was. I never said I was proud of it :-)
I really hope Mrs. I Smoke Six Packs A Day saw his messy bathroom and filthy house before she said yes!
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
I Promise This Is Not A Sermon
Seeing as though how it is Ramadan, I thought I'd take some time to reflect on the idea of moving on and letting go of past resentment.
Recently I found out that my first boyfriend has a three month old child now. Going along with the theme of how small this world is, I came to know that my aunt had dinner at his house a few months ago. He was the one I ran into at the festival back in January and he was with his wife. Turns out my aunt's best friend is someone who related to his wife and that is how my aunt and her family ended up at their house for dinner.
The first thought that came to my mind was I cannot believe he is a father. Then I took some time to think about it. I figured maybe this is life's way of showing him what a meaningful experience it can be to have a daughter and raise her and perhaps it will teach him a thing or two about respecting girls. I hope he is a better father than he ever was a boyfriend or a man in general. I understand my opinion about him will always be a little biased given our past history but I truly do hope that having a child will change his ways (as I have always heard bringing a child into this world can change people in ways they never knew). Baby girl Ayza, I wish you all the best in life.
And it took me almost two years to finally let go of the resentment I felt toward Mr. NYC for breaking up with me. I finally understand why it wasn't meant to be. It caught me off guard when it happened because it was so sudden. And in the past two years when a random text or a birthday wish would come along I would find myself writing back a snide comment here and there. I rememeber one specific incident last year he texted me while I was boarding a flight to visit my friend in Ohio. I don't recall the exact context of the exchange but he jokingly asked me to bring back a shotglass souvineer from Ohio (because that was our thing, he has a shotglass collection and I always added to his collection if I went somewhere), but I retaliated with something along the lines of go book a flight to the midwest and get it yourself. He took it very well, didn't stoop down to my level and just let me have my moment.
It's a liberating feeling being able to let go of something and see someone for who they are. Don't get me wrong, he is an ass on some levels, but at least now I know we can't be together. Because going back to that relationship would mean sleepless nights for me and a constant push and pull of are we or aren't we together? Because let me tell you, the weekend we had that exclusive talk, I was up all night not knowing where his head was. The next morning I had a 5K Breast Cancer Walk to run. Looking back now this is so sad, but the most exciting moment was that morning after the run during brunch when he finally decided to respond to my email. But you get my drift right? A relationship should not be this much hard work, neither person should be pulling teeth or laying awake in the middle of the night wondering what the hell is going on.
He is not great boyfriend material but he is a fun person to hangout with. Granted I can only take him in doses. He doesn't know it but I have forgiven him, or maybe internally I have forgiven myself for holding on to the anger and resentment. It was more of a disappointment of what wasn't then the idea of wanting to be together.
And maybe even today when I talk about him people will wonder if I have lingering feelings or an itch for something that once was. But truth be told, as much as we exchange awkward text messages, bicker back and forth, and put each other in our places....if we were in a relationship and doing that - he would drive me nuts. And I already have enough sleeping problems as is.
Sometimes you just have to let go in order to continue living. Afterall, the world didn't stop moving after each heartbreak. It was me who stopped spinning while everyone else continued their lives.
From time to time my cousin sends me links and reminders to help me motivate myself in my everyday life and today I shall leave you with a quote from one of her links:
"Every moment is a choice, and every day is a consequence of all the choices you have made. To achieve different consequences, make different choices"
Recently I found out that my first boyfriend has a three month old child now. Going along with the theme of how small this world is, I came to know that my aunt had dinner at his house a few months ago. He was the one I ran into at the festival back in January and he was with his wife. Turns out my aunt's best friend is someone who related to his wife and that is how my aunt and her family ended up at their house for dinner.
The first thought that came to my mind was I cannot believe he is a father. Then I took some time to think about it. I figured maybe this is life's way of showing him what a meaningful experience it can be to have a daughter and raise her and perhaps it will teach him a thing or two about respecting girls. I hope he is a better father than he ever was a boyfriend or a man in general. I understand my opinion about him will always be a little biased given our past history but I truly do hope that having a child will change his ways (as I have always heard bringing a child into this world can change people in ways they never knew). Baby girl Ayza, I wish you all the best in life.
And it took me almost two years to finally let go of the resentment I felt toward Mr. NYC for breaking up with me. I finally understand why it wasn't meant to be. It caught me off guard when it happened because it was so sudden. And in the past two years when a random text or a birthday wish would come along I would find myself writing back a snide comment here and there. I rememeber one specific incident last year he texted me while I was boarding a flight to visit my friend in Ohio. I don't recall the exact context of the exchange but he jokingly asked me to bring back a shotglass souvineer from Ohio (because that was our thing, he has a shotglass collection and I always added to his collection if I went somewhere), but I retaliated with something along the lines of go book a flight to the midwest and get it yourself. He took it very well, didn't stoop down to my level and just let me have my moment.
It's a liberating feeling being able to let go of something and see someone for who they are. Don't get me wrong, he is an ass on some levels, but at least now I know we can't be together. Because going back to that relationship would mean sleepless nights for me and a constant push and pull of are we or aren't we together? Because let me tell you, the weekend we had that exclusive talk, I was up all night not knowing where his head was. The next morning I had a 5K Breast Cancer Walk to run. Looking back now this is so sad, but the most exciting moment was that morning after the run during brunch when he finally decided to respond to my email. But you get my drift right? A relationship should not be this much hard work, neither person should be pulling teeth or laying awake in the middle of the night wondering what the hell is going on.
He is not great boyfriend material but he is a fun person to hangout with. Granted I can only take him in doses. He doesn't know it but I have forgiven him, or maybe internally I have forgiven myself for holding on to the anger and resentment. It was more of a disappointment of what wasn't then the idea of wanting to be together.
And maybe even today when I talk about him people will wonder if I have lingering feelings or an itch for something that once was. But truth be told, as much as we exchange awkward text messages, bicker back and forth, and put each other in our places....if we were in a relationship and doing that - he would drive me nuts. And I already have enough sleeping problems as is.
Sometimes you just have to let go in order to continue living. Afterall, the world didn't stop moving after each heartbreak. It was me who stopped spinning while everyone else continued their lives.
From time to time my cousin sends me links and reminders to help me motivate myself in my everyday life and today I shall leave you with a quote from one of her links:
"Every moment is a choice, and every day is a consequence of all the choices you have made. To achieve different consequences, make different choices"
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I Think It's Finally Happened, My Parents Are Scared Of Me...
For the last week or so I have been observing an odd behavior from my father. It's as if he has taken over the mother role and when it comes to the question of marrying off his eldest daughter, it seems to me that he has completely lost it. I'm not calling my father crazy, I love the man to death and I have lots of respect for him. But for some reason when he wants to talk about this "tense" subject with me he has resorted to phone calls and text messages as a way of communication with me. Mind you, we live in the same house.
Observation #1: Last week he called me on the phone home to tell me that he wanted me to take a look at a email exchange between him and his friend where they talk about a potential new suitor. I was confused. Not because the topic of my marriage had come up again (this wasn't a surprise). I was surprised because before this phone call I had spent a good two hours in the house and he was there, my dad. I walked around him, in front of him, even talked to him. Why didn't he mention it then? Instead he decided to call me once my mom and him were on their way to the mosque.
I decided not to think too much into it, just brush it off as nothing and move on. And then it happened again a week later.
Observation #2: Last night my dad and I both made it home at the exact same time. Again, we were in the house for a good hour together before he and my mom left for the mosque again. This time I had missed his call because I was per-occupied elsewhere. When I emerged from the bathroom my sister (in an annoying voice) shouts at me to call back dad. I was wondering what was going on because I had just spoken to my dad 5 minutes ago when I gave him the keys to my car. So what could this be about? Oh no I wondered, he opened up my trunk and saw what a mess it was inside and now he's called to yell at me about it.
But no, he called me to tell me that this new suitor's uncle had called him earlier today and they spoke briefly and now it was up to to me how I wanted to proceed. Really dad, it's up to me? How about we stop having these conversations on the phone everytime you're on the way to the mosque and you be my dad and talk to me in person when we are all home?
I just didn't get it. Was it me? It probably was. He's probably to afraid to approach this topic with me in person nowadays since it's been a tough issue and I normally get very defensive about it. I think I've done almost everything except break valuable china at this point when this subject comes up (half joking of course..ha..ha..ha).
I guess it is in a way humorous. Or maybe I am thinking too much into this and we can't find enough hours in the day to discuss this in person? I mean we are fasting and between Iftar and rushing to get to the mosque in time for prayer it is hard for us to communicate in person with important matters.
But here's where I get the last laugh: My dad left it up to me to decide how I wanted to proceed. As in he has this guy's email address and phone number and now I have to initiate contact. He wants us to talk and see if I even want this.
Wahhh....why me? Why do I have to make the first move? Double Wahhhh. Ugh I hate being a girl sometimes. And for those of you know me, I am sure you can imagine me saying this in person.
I just had to get that out of my system. I am all better now :-)
Alright...here we go...now if only I can find pad of paper of the series of questions I need to ask this dude. The first one being, does this conversation happen in English or my native tongue?
Observation #1: Last week he called me on the phone home to tell me that he wanted me to take a look at a email exchange between him and his friend where they talk about a potential new suitor. I was confused. Not because the topic of my marriage had come up again (this wasn't a surprise). I was surprised because before this phone call I had spent a good two hours in the house and he was there, my dad. I walked around him, in front of him, even talked to him. Why didn't he mention it then? Instead he decided to call me once my mom and him were on their way to the mosque.
I decided not to think too much into it, just brush it off as nothing and move on. And then it happened again a week later.
Observation #2: Last night my dad and I both made it home at the exact same time. Again, we were in the house for a good hour together before he and my mom left for the mosque again. This time I had missed his call because I was per-occupied elsewhere. When I emerged from the bathroom my sister (in an annoying voice) shouts at me to call back dad. I was wondering what was going on because I had just spoken to my dad 5 minutes ago when I gave him the keys to my car. So what could this be about? Oh no I wondered, he opened up my trunk and saw what a mess it was inside and now he's called to yell at me about it.
But no, he called me to tell me that this new suitor's uncle had called him earlier today and they spoke briefly and now it was up to to me how I wanted to proceed. Really dad, it's up to me? How about we stop having these conversations on the phone everytime you're on the way to the mosque and you be my dad and talk to me in person when we are all home?
I just didn't get it. Was it me? It probably was. He's probably to afraid to approach this topic with me in person nowadays since it's been a tough issue and I normally get very defensive about it. I think I've done almost everything except break valuable china at this point when this subject comes up (half joking of course..ha..ha..ha).
I guess it is in a way humorous. Or maybe I am thinking too much into this and we can't find enough hours in the day to discuss this in person? I mean we are fasting and between Iftar and rushing to get to the mosque in time for prayer it is hard for us to communicate in person with important matters.
But here's where I get the last laugh: My dad left it up to me to decide how I wanted to proceed. As in he has this guy's email address and phone number and now I have to initiate contact. He wants us to talk and see if I even want this.
Wahhh....why me? Why do I have to make the first move? Double Wahhhh. Ugh I hate being a girl sometimes. And for those of you know me, I am sure you can imagine me saying this in person.
I just had to get that out of my system. I am all better now :-)
Alright...here we go...now if only I can find pad of paper of the series of questions I need to ask this dude. The first one being, does this conversation happen in English or my native tongue?
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Car Accidents and Karma
My co-worker and I were talking about car accidents and bad luck which made me remember the worst car accident of my life.
It was a cold Sunday morning in January of 2011. I had just picked up this guy from his hotel whom I has recently started seeing. We met on this desi matrimonial website. He had driven some hours just to come spend some time with me that weekend.
The night before we had gone to a Mystery Theater Dinner. You know, those "Who Done It" dinners where the guests play along with the cast. I had told him to plan our date and I was impressed a Mystery Dinner Theater thing is what he had in mind. Ironically enough, my date turned out to be the killer. Lol. Sidenote: I should have known this just the beginning of my of out of the ordinary experiences with this guy.
On the way back to the his hotel, since my car was at the hotel where he was staying (we took one car to dinner) he asked me drive his car since he was tired. I knew this was a mistake. I don't like driving other people's cars. Usually it's because I don't trust myself with other peoples cars. Of course I drove cautiously trying to avoid any potential disaster that my klutzy self could cause. So once we made it back to the hotel in one piece I was happy.
The next morning is when the drama unfolded. I had gone to pick him up for brunch. I decided I would drive since a) he did not know the area very well and b) he drove us around the day before. We were having a conversation when suddenly at a green light I noticed the car in front of me was stopped. I made a quick judgment call and slammed on the breaks. I thought we were safe until seconds later I heard a crash. Great, the car behind me ending up rear ending me and in turn I hit the stopped car in front of me.
I wanted to cry. I was five minutes away from home and I was in a car with a guy I barely knew and I was in a car accident. The first thought that went through my mind? Karma is a B and my parents had no idea I just spent the morning with a guy. Let alone the car accident report that is going to to go to my insurance company is going to list all the passengers in my car. My life as I know it is officially over. My parents are going to kill me...how am I going to explain this one?
I guess looking back now it's a funny story to tell but when you were going through the motions of it - yeah not so much. I remember he was trying to be nice because he saw I was jolted and offered to write down all my information when the cop showed up and we exchanged info with the other drivers. In an effort to hold back tears I somehow managed to crack a smile because this dude who I just met yesterday in person didn't even know my date of birth of how to spell my last name and here he was helping me exchange my personal information to the cops.
When you have to sneak around and date guys because you know your family would not approve of your lifestyle your natural reaction is to panic when your two worlds come colliding. I don't think my parents ever found out there who the person in the car with me was. I think I had brushed it off as "it was a friend or a co-worker" or something to that extent. I took care of all the dealings with the insurance company so no one else had to know about my little secret.
For the longest time I felt so bad even though I didn't cause the accident, I felt horrible that this how our first encounter ended, with a car accident and that he was a part of it. He knew I took it too hard and he tried to calm me down. Yeah, that didn't work.
If that wasn't bad enough, that night when he had left my friend called me. She said wanted to talk about the "big elephant in the room". I was wondering how she found out about my car accident since I hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet. Well it turns out that she called to see how I was feeling knowing my ex-bf had just gotten married a month before.
Apparently she discovered this news on Facebook. You know, the dude who went back home and got married. I wasn't aware yet because he had blocked me on Facebook.
LOL, oh the irony. If she only knew the day I had been having. That wedding was the least of my worries that day.
P.S That guy who was involved in the crash with me - was none other than Mr. NYC.
Yup, that was our first encounter. And to this day he doesn't let me forget about the car accident!!! He even brought it up when I saw him last month.
It was a cold Sunday morning in January of 2011. I had just picked up this guy from his hotel whom I has recently started seeing. We met on this desi matrimonial website. He had driven some hours just to come spend some time with me that weekend.
The night before we had gone to a Mystery Theater Dinner. You know, those "Who Done It" dinners where the guests play along with the cast. I had told him to plan our date and I was impressed a Mystery Dinner Theater thing is what he had in mind. Ironically enough, my date turned out to be the killer. Lol. Sidenote: I should have known this just the beginning of my of out of the ordinary experiences with this guy.
On the way back to the his hotel, since my car was at the hotel where he was staying (we took one car to dinner) he asked me drive his car since he was tired. I knew this was a mistake. I don't like driving other people's cars. Usually it's because I don't trust myself with other peoples cars. Of course I drove cautiously trying to avoid any potential disaster that my klutzy self could cause. So once we made it back to the hotel in one piece I was happy.
The next morning is when the drama unfolded. I had gone to pick him up for brunch. I decided I would drive since a) he did not know the area very well and b) he drove us around the day before. We were having a conversation when suddenly at a green light I noticed the car in front of me was stopped. I made a quick judgment call and slammed on the breaks. I thought we were safe until seconds later I heard a crash. Great, the car behind me ending up rear ending me and in turn I hit the stopped car in front of me.
I wanted to cry. I was five minutes away from home and I was in a car with a guy I barely knew and I was in a car accident. The first thought that went through my mind? Karma is a B and my parents had no idea I just spent the morning with a guy. Let alone the car accident report that is going to to go to my insurance company is going to list all the passengers in my car. My life as I know it is officially over. My parents are going to kill me...how am I going to explain this one?
I guess looking back now it's a funny story to tell but when you were going through the motions of it - yeah not so much. I remember he was trying to be nice because he saw I was jolted and offered to write down all my information when the cop showed up and we exchanged info with the other drivers. In an effort to hold back tears I somehow managed to crack a smile because this dude who I just met yesterday in person didn't even know my date of birth of how to spell my last name and here he was helping me exchange my personal information to the cops.
When you have to sneak around and date guys because you know your family would not approve of your lifestyle your natural reaction is to panic when your two worlds come colliding. I don't think my parents ever found out there who the person in the car with me was. I think I had brushed it off as "it was a friend or a co-worker" or something to that extent. I took care of all the dealings with the insurance company so no one else had to know about my little secret.
For the longest time I felt so bad even though I didn't cause the accident, I felt horrible that this how our first encounter ended, with a car accident and that he was a part of it. He knew I took it too hard and he tried to calm me down. Yeah, that didn't work.
If that wasn't bad enough, that night when he had left my friend called me. She said wanted to talk about the "big elephant in the room". I was wondering how she found out about my car accident since I hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet. Well it turns out that she called to see how I was feeling knowing my ex-bf had just gotten married a month before.
Apparently she discovered this news on Facebook. You know, the dude who went back home and got married. I wasn't aware yet because he had blocked me on Facebook.
LOL, oh the irony. If she only knew the day I had been having. That wedding was the least of my worries that day.
P.S That guy who was involved in the crash with me - was none other than Mr. NYC.
Yup, that was our first encounter. And to this day he doesn't let me forget about the car accident!!! He even brought it up when I saw him last month.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
"The Hardest Part of Breaking Up Is Getting Back Your Stuff"
I already wrote about keeping vs throwing away things associated with former frogs. So it's only appropriate I also write about getting things that belong to me.
To my very first boyfriend, the one who is less than the scum on the bottom of your shoe...the one who went back to the motherland and "forgot" to tell me he was getting married; I would still like my auxiliary cable back. I did not give it to you...you stole it from me. No let me rephrase, I let you borrow it one day and when we went our separate ways you decided I had given it to you so you decided you did not want to return it.
WTF?
Don't worry though, it's not about the money behind buying another one (it was replaced several years ago), but it's the idea that you wouldn't let it go. You were too cheap to buy yourself one, so you took and kept mine. Ugh just thinking about it still makes me a little mad. I remember last year when I saw you on a random trip to Harris Teeter by the produce section I wanted to throw cucumbers at you for being so stupid. Actually, I probably wanted to throw cucumbers at myself more for being the stupid person for ever thinking we belonged together.
The next one I am okay with. In fact I didn't even realize that you had it until recently. See, a few years ago my friend recommended a book called "Lone Survivor" by former Navy Seal Marcus Luttrell and a personal account of what happened during "Operation Redwings" (you can wiki it if you want to know what that's all about, but it was a tear-jerker). I was seeing Mr. NYC at the time, and had mentioned it to him that I was reading this book. He mentioned he heard about it and wanted to read it too. So what did I do? Since I was going to be seeing him that following week I decided I would speed read through the book and offered to let him borrow it.
Once we broke up I had forgotten about. I had already read it and I didn't really want it back. I wasn't attached to it or anything. But a few weeks ago when I saw him I found a different book on his coffee table which reminded me of MY BOOK. I chucked inside. I didn't ask him about it...no that would be the normal thing to do. Instead my eyes shifted to his bookshelf to see if he still had it. Was I going to ask for it back? Probably not. But I still wanted to see if he kept it. I didn't find it, but it's funny because in the between the time we broke up until a few weeks ago, I had completely forgotten that I let him borrow the book. I am pretty sure he never read it. I think he's still "reading" Benjamin Franklin's autobiography he mentioned on our first few dates he was reading at the time. LOL.
The next item on the list has been a long drown out saga for the last few weeks. I left my beloved e-reader at my ex-boyfriend's house. Remember how I do the dumbest things at the worse possible moments? Yeah, this was one of them. I forgot I left my e-reader in his overnight bag at the cabin. I was too tired to remember it was still in there when I left to come back home. Then we went our separate ways and I've been told either to forget about it completely or CALMLY ask for it back. Staying calm has never been something I have been able to do. One of my friends even offered to buy me a new one so I wouldn't have to contact him about it.
I mustered up some courage a few weeks ago and emailed him to ship it back to me - but really send it to one of my friends. I don't want to receive anything from that person. I even offered to reimburse the shipping cost. He took it the wrong way and got offended? Really? Like I was trying to do the right think since it was my mistake leaving it there. Get off your high horse and realize it was the right thing to do, me offer to pay for shipping. The other day I got a random text stating it was finally shipped. Well thank you for doing that, looks like it's finally June 28th, 2013 on your watch.
Bonus story: I thought I left my favorite pair of earrings in NYC last month. I thought I had packed them but I wasn't 100% sure. I had a slight mini-panic attack from Mr. NYC's apt to the train station. He asked me twice to do a final walk through and make sure I took everything. I lied and said I checked and left nothing. Then touched my ears in the car and realized I might have forgotten my swarovskis. I was mortified he'd find my earrings on his coffee table when he returned home. So you can imagine how happy I was when I unpacked when I got home and there they were in my little jewelery box. THANK GOD! No embarrassing phone call to make or text to send. And that folks is reason #78945 we aren't together.....
I'm telling you my short term memory is going to get me in trouble in one day. I can never remember what happened 10-15 minutes after it's happened.
To my very first boyfriend, the one who is less than the scum on the bottom of your shoe...the one who went back to the motherland and "forgot" to tell me he was getting married; I would still like my auxiliary cable back. I did not give it to you...you stole it from me. No let me rephrase, I let you borrow it one day and when we went our separate ways you decided I had given it to you so you decided you did not want to return it.
WTF?
Don't worry though, it's not about the money behind buying another one (it was replaced several years ago), but it's the idea that you wouldn't let it go. You were too cheap to buy yourself one, so you took and kept mine. Ugh just thinking about it still makes me a little mad. I remember last year when I saw you on a random trip to Harris Teeter by the produce section I wanted to throw cucumbers at you for being so stupid. Actually, I probably wanted to throw cucumbers at myself more for being the stupid person for ever thinking we belonged together.
The next one I am okay with. In fact I didn't even realize that you had it until recently. See, a few years ago my friend recommended a book called "Lone Survivor" by former Navy Seal Marcus Luttrell and a personal account of what happened during "Operation Redwings" (you can wiki it if you want to know what that's all about, but it was a tear-jerker). I was seeing Mr. NYC at the time, and had mentioned it to him that I was reading this book. He mentioned he heard about it and wanted to read it too. So what did I do? Since I was going to be seeing him that following week I decided I would speed read through the book and offered to let him borrow it.
Once we broke up I had forgotten about. I had already read it and I didn't really want it back. I wasn't attached to it or anything. But a few weeks ago when I saw him I found a different book on his coffee table which reminded me of MY BOOK. I chucked inside. I didn't ask him about it...no that would be the normal thing to do. Instead my eyes shifted to his bookshelf to see if he still had it. Was I going to ask for it back? Probably not. But I still wanted to see if he kept it. I didn't find it, but it's funny because in the between the time we broke up until a few weeks ago, I had completely forgotten that I let him borrow the book. I am pretty sure he never read it. I think he's still "reading" Benjamin Franklin's autobiography he mentioned on our first few dates he was reading at the time. LOL.
The next item on the list has been a long drown out saga for the last few weeks. I left my beloved e-reader at my ex-boyfriend's house. Remember how I do the dumbest things at the worse possible moments? Yeah, this was one of them. I forgot I left my e-reader in his overnight bag at the cabin. I was too tired to remember it was still in there when I left to come back home. Then we went our separate ways and I've been told either to forget about it completely or CALMLY ask for it back. Staying calm has never been something I have been able to do. One of my friends even offered to buy me a new one so I wouldn't have to contact him about it.
I mustered up some courage a few weeks ago and emailed him to ship it back to me - but really send it to one of my friends. I don't want to receive anything from that person. I even offered to reimburse the shipping cost. He took it the wrong way and got offended? Really? Like I was trying to do the right think since it was my mistake leaving it there. Get off your high horse and realize it was the right thing to do, me offer to pay for shipping. The other day I got a random text stating it was finally shipped. Well thank you for doing that, looks like it's finally June 28th, 2013 on your watch.
Bonus story: I thought I left my favorite pair of earrings in NYC last month. I thought I had packed them but I wasn't 100% sure. I had a slight mini-panic attack from Mr. NYC's apt to the train station. He asked me twice to do a final walk through and make sure I took everything. I lied and said I checked and left nothing. Then touched my ears in the car and realized I might have forgotten my swarovskis. I was mortified he'd find my earrings on his coffee table when he returned home. So you can imagine how happy I was when I unpacked when I got home and there they were in my little jewelery box. THANK GOD! No embarrassing phone call to make or text to send. And that folks is reason #78945 we aren't together.....
I'm telling you my short term memory is going to get me in trouble in one day. I can never remember what happened 10-15 minutes after it's happened.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Dear Phone Stalker, Please Stop Calling My House
I kid you not. My so-called stalker has resurfaced. I don't know how I never wrote about him. It all started late last year. Our house phone would get mysterious phone calls from a guy (who mostly sounds drunk when he calls) and every time he would ask for me..by my full name!
Of course the first time he called I freaked out because I really did think it was a crazy psycho ex trying to get payback but then my genius self realized that I have never given anyone I have met my home phone number. Why would would I give a potential anyone my home phone number where they could call at anytime and be greeted by my mother or father over the phone?
Never!!!
But this idiot for some reason decided to reek havoc on my life again. He knows my first and last name which makes it harder to identify who he could be. See, like a zillions of other desis out there, I have two names that I go by. Well really I have two first names (yes I know it sounds strange). But apparently this is nothing new to desi life. My first name is what my friends call me, my last name is what my family and their circle of friends call me. Complicated right? Try explaining that to people outside of your family :-)
Anyways, potential stalker dude calls me by both of my names so it's hard for me to tell who the hell this guy is. If he called me what my family and their friends call me then I would assume I know this person through our desi circle of family friends. But no, he threw a curve ball in there by calling me by both names. Still hard to keep up with the name thing? It's okay, you're never going to understand it, so let's just agree to disagree on it.
I was terrified when my dad picked up the phone because I was afraid my dad would yell at me and go on a rant about how good desi girls don't get prank calls from random drunken dudes between the hours of 5pm and 8pm on weekdays. This stalker even yelled at my dad and told him he wanted to talk to me and questioned is my dad was my husband.
Strange right?
Well thankfully neither one of my parents thought this was my fault (thank god), but it still doesn't make this any less embarrassing. These phone calls stopped a few months ago but all of a sudden resurfaced last night. The idiot called 3 times in a row.
I thought we had gotten rid of him or he realized how childish he was being. But no, he decided to grace us with his unwanted presence once again. I'm trying not take it seriously and laugh it off but when someone calls you 3 times non-stop it starts to get a little frightening.
You know you're starting to get paranoid when every time the phone rings you get scared and wonder if it's him. Or maybe the paranoia in me has taken over. It's just a harmless idiot who has nothing better to do with his time...right?
Ramadan is around the corner, you would think people would show some sort of decency around this time of the year. Dear Mr. Virtual Phone Stalker if by some funny chance you are reading this: Please stop, it's not funny. You've given me more on my plate to handle than I can handle on a regular basis. Cut me some slack.
Of course the first time he called I freaked out because I really did think it was a crazy psycho ex trying to get payback but then my genius self realized that I have never given anyone I have met my home phone number. Why would would I give a potential anyone my home phone number where they could call at anytime and be greeted by my mother or father over the phone?
Never!!!
But this idiot for some reason decided to reek havoc on my life again. He knows my first and last name which makes it harder to identify who he could be. See, like a zillions of other desis out there, I have two names that I go by. Well really I have two first names (yes I know it sounds strange). But apparently this is nothing new to desi life. My first name is what my friends call me, my last name is what my family and their circle of friends call me. Complicated right? Try explaining that to people outside of your family :-)
Anyways, potential stalker dude calls me by both of my names so it's hard for me to tell who the hell this guy is. If he called me what my family and their friends call me then I would assume I know this person through our desi circle of family friends. But no, he threw a curve ball in there by calling me by both names. Still hard to keep up with the name thing? It's okay, you're never going to understand it, so let's just agree to disagree on it.
I was terrified when my dad picked up the phone because I was afraid my dad would yell at me and go on a rant about how good desi girls don't get prank calls from random drunken dudes between the hours of 5pm and 8pm on weekdays. This stalker even yelled at my dad and told him he wanted to talk to me and questioned is my dad was my husband.
Strange right?
Well thankfully neither one of my parents thought this was my fault (thank god), but it still doesn't make this any less embarrassing. These phone calls stopped a few months ago but all of a sudden resurfaced last night. The idiot called 3 times in a row.
I thought we had gotten rid of him or he realized how childish he was being. But no, he decided to grace us with his unwanted presence once again. I'm trying not take it seriously and laugh it off but when someone calls you 3 times non-stop it starts to get a little frightening.
You know you're starting to get paranoid when every time the phone rings you get scared and wonder if it's him. Or maybe the paranoia in me has taken over. It's just a harmless idiot who has nothing better to do with his time...right?
Ramadan is around the corner, you would think people would show some sort of decency around this time of the year. Dear Mr. Virtual Phone Stalker if by some funny chance you are reading this: Please stop, it's not funny. You've given me more on my plate to handle than I can handle on a regular basis. Cut me some slack.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
His Milkshake Did Not Bring Me To The Yard
Let me tell you about the time I was scum. Mr. Kentucky might have been my first real suitor, but "Milkshake" was my first real crush. I was 16 when I fell for him, I spent hours and hours daydreaming about him. Then one day I mustered up the courage to tell him I liked him (on AIM nonetheless). I will never forget what his response was...."I am so proud you had the guts to admit that"......yeah. And the rest is history UNTIL a few years later in college during one unforgettable finals week. Yes some people study during finals and others...look for trouble.
It's been so long I can't even remember how this resurfaced, except my friend was taking a class that required her to interview someone in law enforcement. My wheels were turning because I had found out through my mother Milkshake was in the police academy. So I actually called his mother for his phone number (we were all family friends) and asked if my friend could interview him agreed, I was surprised. I think I had convinced myself that we never got closure so I wanted to know what happened a few years ago between us. I needed him to fill in the missing pieces for me. Basically I needed the closure I never got.
The plan was that my friend, Milkshake and I would to meet up at the local coffee shop and conduct this "interview". Of course I had to be there because DUH I was the mutual friend between these two. It was a rainy November evening and it was voting day...my mother had called me to see if I had voted for Governor that day. I lied to her, I told her the lines were long and that's where I was held up. She would kick me out of the house if she knew what was really happening. Thank god the Democrat won, or else I would never forgive myself, after all one vote can make all the difference.
The Starbucks meet up went alright, he wore the most hideous plaid shirt I had ever seen in my life and apparently his adult acne was also beginning to show (maybe it was all the police academy stress?). We kept in touch frequently after that. Some innocent flirtation was happening back and forth. One day during finals week I decided I needed a distraction so I asked him to bring me coffee to the study room where I was "studying". I don't even know why I said it. It may have half been coerced by my friends and the other half all me trying to get a reaction out of him. He was out doing academy work so coffee was out but instead he asked me to dinner the next day...and I reluctantly agreed. I don't know I agreed. I saw the look in my friends' eyes. It was like they all found out they received F's on their finals. Some tried to talk me out of the date, others came home with me that night to plan my outfit for my "date" night. Let's just say no one studied for their finals that night..or the following day.
I wasn't nervous about the date until I got there. I had showed up late (on purpose). I made him wait 15 or 20 minutes. Where did we go? The local "Moe's" next to my house of course. Meaning if my dad decided to go to the grocery store that night he may or may not have seen my car there...with a boy. Yes I know sometimes common sense escapes me. Dinner was alright, he made a fresh comment about how Chipotle was so much better than Moe's. Well then genius why did you suggest Moe's?
After dinner we lurked around the parking lot and he asked me if he could handcuff me. Yes he really said that. Was I supposed to be impressed by that? I knew he had a pair of handcuffs, my virgin ears were not impressed I think I was more scared. I may have laughed and gave him the death stare and said no. Atif Aslam's "Tere Bin" was playing in my cd player when he walked me to my car - that I do remember. I never thanked him for dinner that night. Another common sense malfunction.
We continued talking for weeks and I found out he was not the same person I knew two years back. Of course people change, even I knew that. Turns out he did like me all these years he was just too afraid to say anything back then when I confessed my feelings. Such a coward. He also had a drinking problem and may have been depressed. I didn't know how to go about that. I remember he called me during the Billboard music awards one night and it was a drunk dial at 9pm on a weeknight. One day my friends brought me a flyer for an AA Meeting...to give it to him.
I was mean to him this time around. I knew I was pushing his buttons and treating him unfairly in some ways. Don't worry I wasn't THAT much of a beeyotch. One morning I even called him to apologize for being rude the night before. Actually, I complained to my friend who convinced me I was rude and I needed to say sorry. So she made me write out on a memo pad the exact words I was going to say and I left him a voice email reading that memo word for word. I was a stubborn desi back then. I had too much pride to apologize.
I had ended up in the ER one time and didn't know who to call. I called one of my best friends and when he found out he was hurt I never called him to drive me there. He told me he would be there for me if anything ever happened. Were we just kidding ourselves? We never had a formal conversation about anything. We weren't "dating". I was just the girl he called at odd hours of the night when he was on police patrol to talk to and he was the guy I texted when I needed some attention.
I really do not remember how the Milkshake saga ended in my life. I had to get one of my friends to remind me. Turns out I cussed him out one day after I got into a fender bender on my way home. I was mad at myself that I caused an accident and I took all my frustrations out on him. He had only called me to check up on my and ask how I was doing after the accident. I took it as in invitation to use him as my punching bag. I stopped returning his calls and answering his texts. I must have channeled my inner cold hearted bitch. My friend assured me that was a very scum-like move I had made . I agreed with her.
I knew he wasn't what I was looking for in my life at that time. My parents had just started the process to find me a groom and I wanted to end this chapter in my life. I got my closure. The rest of it was just for fun.I always knew he liked me, I just wanted to hear it from him.
Rumor has it he dropped out of the Police Academy and works security at a Museum. Poor guy had an arranged marriage with a girl from the motherland and is now since divorced. She left him when she came to Amreeka. I do feel for him. I really do hope he has his shit figured out now. A part of me still feels bad for him, but hey, you make your bed....you must lay in it.
I've never ran into him in the last seven years. But you never know, life always brings the past to me when I least expect it.
My friend suggested we could always take a trip to the Museum in case I need new material or a trip down memory lane.....or a second round of "closure".........
It's been so long I can't even remember how this resurfaced, except my friend was taking a class that required her to interview someone in law enforcement. My wheels were turning because I had found out through my mother Milkshake was in the police academy. So I actually called his mother for his phone number (we were all family friends) and asked if my friend could interview him agreed, I was surprised. I think I had convinced myself that we never got closure so I wanted to know what happened a few years ago between us. I needed him to fill in the missing pieces for me. Basically I needed the closure I never got.
The plan was that my friend, Milkshake and I would to meet up at the local coffee shop and conduct this "interview". Of course I had to be there because DUH I was the mutual friend between these two. It was a rainy November evening and it was voting day...my mother had called me to see if I had voted for Governor that day. I lied to her, I told her the lines were long and that's where I was held up. She would kick me out of the house if she knew what was really happening. Thank god the Democrat won, or else I would never forgive myself, after all one vote can make all the difference.
The Starbucks meet up went alright, he wore the most hideous plaid shirt I had ever seen in my life and apparently his adult acne was also beginning to show (maybe it was all the police academy stress?). We kept in touch frequently after that. Some innocent flirtation was happening back and forth. One day during finals week I decided I needed a distraction so I asked him to bring me coffee to the study room where I was "studying". I don't even know why I said it. It may have half been coerced by my friends and the other half all me trying to get a reaction out of him. He was out doing academy work so coffee was out but instead he asked me to dinner the next day...and I reluctantly agreed. I don't know I agreed. I saw the look in my friends' eyes. It was like they all found out they received F's on their finals. Some tried to talk me out of the date, others came home with me that night to plan my outfit for my "date" night. Let's just say no one studied for their finals that night..or the following day.
I wasn't nervous about the date until I got there. I had showed up late (on purpose). I made him wait 15 or 20 minutes. Where did we go? The local "Moe's" next to my house of course. Meaning if my dad decided to go to the grocery store that night he may or may not have seen my car there...with a boy. Yes I know sometimes common sense escapes me. Dinner was alright, he made a fresh comment about how Chipotle was so much better than Moe's. Well then genius why did you suggest Moe's?
After dinner we lurked around the parking lot and he asked me if he could handcuff me. Yes he really said that. Was I supposed to be impressed by that? I knew he had a pair of handcuffs, my virgin ears were not impressed I think I was more scared. I may have laughed and gave him the death stare and said no. Atif Aslam's "Tere Bin" was playing in my cd player when he walked me to my car - that I do remember. I never thanked him for dinner that night. Another common sense malfunction.
We continued talking for weeks and I found out he was not the same person I knew two years back. Of course people change, even I knew that. Turns out he did like me all these years he was just too afraid to say anything back then when I confessed my feelings. Such a coward. He also had a drinking problem and may have been depressed. I didn't know how to go about that. I remember he called me during the Billboard music awards one night and it was a drunk dial at 9pm on a weeknight. One day my friends brought me a flyer for an AA Meeting...to give it to him.
I was mean to him this time around. I knew I was pushing his buttons and treating him unfairly in some ways. Don't worry I wasn't THAT much of a beeyotch. One morning I even called him to apologize for being rude the night before. Actually, I complained to my friend who convinced me I was rude and I needed to say sorry. So she made me write out on a memo pad the exact words I was going to say and I left him a voice email reading that memo word for word. I was a stubborn desi back then. I had too much pride to apologize.
I had ended up in the ER one time and didn't know who to call. I called one of my best friends and when he found out he was hurt I never called him to drive me there. He told me he would be there for me if anything ever happened. Were we just kidding ourselves? We never had a formal conversation about anything. We weren't "dating". I was just the girl he called at odd hours of the night when he was on police patrol to talk to and he was the guy I texted when I needed some attention.
I really do not remember how the Milkshake saga ended in my life. I had to get one of my friends to remind me. Turns out I cussed him out one day after I got into a fender bender on my way home. I was mad at myself that I caused an accident and I took all my frustrations out on him. He had only called me to check up on my and ask how I was doing after the accident. I took it as in invitation to use him as my punching bag. I stopped returning his calls and answering his texts. I must have channeled my inner cold hearted bitch. My friend assured me that was a very scum-like move I had made . I agreed with her.
I knew he wasn't what I was looking for in my life at that time. My parents had just started the process to find me a groom and I wanted to end this chapter in my life. I got my closure. The rest of it was just for fun.I always knew he liked me, I just wanted to hear it from him.
Rumor has it he dropped out of the Police Academy and works security at a Museum. Poor guy had an arranged marriage with a girl from the motherland and is now since divorced. She left him when she came to Amreeka. I do feel for him. I really do hope he has his shit figured out now. A part of me still feels bad for him, but hey, you make your bed....you must lay in it.
I've never ran into him in the last seven years. But you never know, life always brings the past to me when I least expect it.
My friend suggested we could always take a trip to the Museum in case I need new material or a trip down memory lane.....or a second round of "closure".........
Monday, July 1, 2013
It Was All A Blur...
Let's go back to where it all began in 2007? Mr. General Electric (aka Mr. Kentucky). Did we ever talk about him? He is 11 years older than me and the one who was the subject matter behind my trip to Miami where we scored all those mangoes. My friend mentioned that she always wondered what my life would be like if I ended up marrying him. I see it something like this: I would be living in Louisville, KY and spending half the time trying to figure out how to pronounce the name of that town and other half trying to make sure he takes his bipolar medication.
(And THIS year when Louisville won the NCAA championship, I was torn on picking them or not, because I have memories not IN Louisville, but tied to it). I am just weird like that so get used to it.)
He was nice guy, and he never tried anything funky with me. We talked for a few months but I only met him once. He was my first kiss, I was 19. I remember it well, at the parking lot of the Jefferson Memorial. I was sitting on top of the trunk of my car and we were looking out at the Potomac. It was a Monday... I was still in college so I didn't have class until 7pm that day. I wasn't sure where this was going until he suddenly leaned in and kissed me. I was confused, what do I do NOW? I didn't do anything, I didn't even kiss him back. I don't know what happened seconds after that, it was all a blur. How the hell was I supposed to know that's what I had to do??? No one trained me on this. I should have read a manual or something. This old lady had passed us and saw us and I remember she said "Aww, look at that, you two look like you're so in love". Chill out lady, he just kissed me and I only MET him 72 hours ago.
I remember my friends were freaking out and wondering what the hell I would do when I took him to his hotel. See, most of us came from this sheltered life where we had no idea what happens in situations like this. Good desi girls who are at a respectable age to get married don't go to hotel rooms with guys that are not their husbands.
Backtrack...he had gotten himself a hotel room but we decided he wouldn't need to rent a car since I have a car and I can pick him up from the airport. He arrived Saturday and the plan was we would spend the day together and then Sunday he would come with me to my house where my mom was cooking a feast so she can meet her potential future "son-in-law".
My friends all thought he would try to make a move on me and maybe it wasn't best for me to accompany him to his room. Like what was I supposed to do, stay in the car? Wouldn't that be more awkward? So I tried to "handle" the situation and I really though this was a great idea...I decided that when we went to the hotel I would bring a book that I could "read" while he was getting ready and what not. I know stupid right? That's the plan the 19 year old me came up with. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.
I laugh at myself when I think about Mr. Kentucky now. Not because of him, but because of how stupid and inexperienced I was. Btw -he works for GE still till this day when I see a GE commercial on the telly it reminds me of him. I was scared to pick him up at the airport and even more scared of taking the highway to get to the hotel. Back then I had a super irrational fear of highways, so he was nice enough to drive us in my car to his hotel room to freshen up. He even brought his own GPS (and why didn't I keep him around?).
I will never forget how he found me at the airport. I was so nervous (Hello, I had never picked up a guy from the airport before...or anywhere else for that matter). As usual because of my need to be on time I was super early so I was browsing at the airport bookstore when all of a sudden I felt someone reach behind me and cover my eyes. I almost screamed until I heard his voice (queue the Bollywood music in the background). He startled me but it was a great way to break the ice.
He commented how I couldn't look him in the eye and of course I was telling myself "No shit....I have never done this before...give me a break...."
Sadly it never worked out between us because my parents thought he was much too independent, which in turn freaked me out because although I liked him, I was too scared to go against my parents. Even though they never told me it was a "no" from them.
I will never forget what he told me when I was "breaking up" with him. He said I was a breath of fresh air in his life and when he got on that plane to go back to Louisville, a part of him wanted to get off that plane and marry me that second..."
Sigh, those were the good old days, when this heart knew nothing about how to get broken. I was a young and inexperienced girl just going out there and trying to see how this whole "arranged marriage" thing works. Out of all the suitors my parents brought me (so far), he was probably the one who had the most potential.
Epilogue: Well folks, turns out that fresh air didn't last too long because it would be two years later when I found out that he had gotten married summer of 2009. Apparently world is REALLY small and a new friend I had met at work that August also happened to be roommates with the girl who was friends with his now wife and my friend even attended his wedding. Oh jeez.
(And THIS year when Louisville won the NCAA championship, I was torn on picking them or not, because I have memories not IN Louisville, but tied to it). I am just weird like that so get used to it.)
He was nice guy, and he never tried anything funky with me. We talked for a few months but I only met him once. He was my first kiss, I was 19. I remember it well, at the parking lot of the Jefferson Memorial. I was sitting on top of the trunk of my car and we were looking out at the Potomac. It was a Monday... I was still in college so I didn't have class until 7pm that day. I wasn't sure where this was going until he suddenly leaned in and kissed me. I was confused, what do I do NOW? I didn't do anything, I didn't even kiss him back. I don't know what happened seconds after that, it was all a blur. How the hell was I supposed to know that's what I had to do??? No one trained me on this. I should have read a manual or something. This old lady had passed us and saw us and I remember she said "Aww, look at that, you two look like you're so in love". Chill out lady, he just kissed me and I only MET him 72 hours ago.
I remember my friends were freaking out and wondering what the hell I would do when I took him to his hotel. See, most of us came from this sheltered life where we had no idea what happens in situations like this. Good desi girls who are at a respectable age to get married don't go to hotel rooms with guys that are not their husbands.
Backtrack...he had gotten himself a hotel room but we decided he wouldn't need to rent a car since I have a car and I can pick him up from the airport. He arrived Saturday and the plan was we would spend the day together and then Sunday he would come with me to my house where my mom was cooking a feast so she can meet her potential future "son-in-law".
My friends all thought he would try to make a move on me and maybe it wasn't best for me to accompany him to his room. Like what was I supposed to do, stay in the car? Wouldn't that be more awkward? So I tried to "handle" the situation and I really though this was a great idea...I decided that when we went to the hotel I would bring a book that I could "read" while he was getting ready and what not. I know stupid right? That's the plan the 19 year old me came up with. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.
I laugh at myself when I think about Mr. Kentucky now. Not because of him, but because of how stupid and inexperienced I was. Btw -he works for GE still till this day when I see a GE commercial on the telly it reminds me of him. I was scared to pick him up at the airport and even more scared of taking the highway to get to the hotel. Back then I had a super irrational fear of highways, so he was nice enough to drive us in my car to his hotel room to freshen up. He even brought his own GPS (and why didn't I keep him around?).
I will never forget how he found me at the airport. I was so nervous (Hello, I had never picked up a guy from the airport before...or anywhere else for that matter). As usual because of my need to be on time I was super early so I was browsing at the airport bookstore when all of a sudden I felt someone reach behind me and cover my eyes. I almost screamed until I heard his voice (queue the Bollywood music in the background). He startled me but it was a great way to break the ice.
He commented how I couldn't look him in the eye and of course I was telling myself "No shit....I have never done this before...give me a break...."
Sadly it never worked out between us because my parents thought he was much too independent, which in turn freaked me out because although I liked him, I was too scared to go against my parents. Even though they never told me it was a "no" from them.
I will never forget what he told me when I was "breaking up" with him. He said I was a breath of fresh air in his life and when he got on that plane to go back to Louisville, a part of him wanted to get off that plane and marry me that second..."
Sigh, those were the good old days, when this heart knew nothing about how to get broken. I was a young and inexperienced girl just going out there and trying to see how this whole "arranged marriage" thing works. Out of all the suitors my parents brought me (so far), he was probably the one who had the most potential.
Epilogue: Well folks, turns out that fresh air didn't last too long because it would be two years later when I found out that he had gotten married summer of 2009. Apparently world is REALLY small and a new friend I had met at work that August also happened to be roommates with the girl who was friends with his now wife and my friend even attended his wedding. Oh jeez.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
The X-Files....Dun Dun Dun
Sometimes I really do think the universe is testing me...or maybe just teasing me?
Here's how it all began. Friday at work was a bad day. I tried to do my best not to break down at work with my post-break up situation but some days are harder than others. Let's just say some tears were shed behind closed doors. I gave myself five minutes to get all the crying out of the way and then snap back into reality. I must say though, now I know how to cleverly run to the bathroom at work and break down and come back in a decent time so no one realizes what the hell is happening. I mean, do I really want to be known as the girl who is too emotional to keep her problems at home? Of course not!
As the day went on, the sky was crying too...it was raining like crazy. I was doing my best to keep up a happy face and by the end of the day I made myself believe it too! (Two pats on the back!)
TGIF! 5:00 o'clock comes around and after I get back to my office to gather my stuff and get going I have my phone in my hand and I see it flash with a text and who is it? Mr. NYC of course...dun...dun..dun.
I just laughed. Because really what else can you do? Actually no let me take that back, I cried a little on the inside at my luck and then laughed. At this point his resurfacing is so ill-timed, I would not be surprised if he has a snow globe of my life and shakes it to know exactly when to strike.
It's like he knows when to reach out, he has impeccable timing in my life...and I told him that too. Of course he didn't understand it and brushed it off as "You wished it, you willed it and I made it happen" (the text message). Okay Mr. Big Shot, let's not carried away.
(Really though, have you met anyone else who is THAT in love with themselves?)
If he only knew...he was the furthest thing on my mind that day, I was trying to wash away memories of someone else.
My friend and I were talking about this scenario and she said that maybe he came back into my life right now as the perfect distraction to help me get through what's going currently. Maybe? I don't know. But I will be the first to admit that there's no harm in entertaining him right now as a simple distraction.
Everything was fine until he dropped the "I Miss You" bomb....UGH...knot in my stomach. Exactly what I wanted to hear BUT WRONG GUY. So what do you do now?
Let's be honest girls, from the words of my friend, we all pray at one time or another that our exes will miss us. She had a point there. I did often wonder about this day but I didn't think I ever saw it becoming a reality, especially not while I am going through a break up.
I figured the best way to handle this would be to send a cold text back so I simply said "That's nice" and went to sleep. Because let's face it, when you're sending an old flame "i miss you" texts after hours you're either super wasted and/or need to scratch a certain itch..or worse, it's BOTH. And nothing good ever comes out of that. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Woke up the next morning and there was a response back. Jeez.
A part of me wanted to ask "How many girls do you text "i miss you" at once and how many responses have you actually gotten back? And out of all of them was I the first one your list , or last one?". I don't know which would offend me more, being the first one on his hit list, or the last one. Think about it.
Sigh....that's all I got for you today.
When you want them, they walk away but when you don't want them they come anyway.
Here's how it all began. Friday at work was a bad day. I tried to do my best not to break down at work with my post-break up situation but some days are harder than others. Let's just say some tears were shed behind closed doors. I gave myself five minutes to get all the crying out of the way and then snap back into reality. I must say though, now I know how to cleverly run to the bathroom at work and break down and come back in a decent time so no one realizes what the hell is happening. I mean, do I really want to be known as the girl who is too emotional to keep her problems at home? Of course not!
As the day went on, the sky was crying too...it was raining like crazy. I was doing my best to keep up a happy face and by the end of the day I made myself believe it too! (Two pats on the back!)
TGIF! 5:00 o'clock comes around and after I get back to my office to gather my stuff and get going I have my phone in my hand and I see it flash with a text and who is it? Mr. NYC of course...dun...dun..dun.
I just laughed. Because really what else can you do? Actually no let me take that back, I cried a little on the inside at my luck and then laughed. At this point his resurfacing is so ill-timed, I would not be surprised if he has a snow globe of my life and shakes it to know exactly when to strike.
It's like he knows when to reach out, he has impeccable timing in my life...and I told him that too. Of course he didn't understand it and brushed it off as "You wished it, you willed it and I made it happen" (the text message). Okay Mr. Big Shot, let's not carried away.
(Really though, have you met anyone else who is THAT in love with themselves?)
If he only knew...he was the furthest thing on my mind that day, I was trying to wash away memories of someone else.
My friend and I were talking about this scenario and she said that maybe he came back into my life right now as the perfect distraction to help me get through what's going currently. Maybe? I don't know. But I will be the first to admit that there's no harm in entertaining him right now as a simple distraction.
Everything was fine until he dropped the "I Miss You" bomb....UGH...knot in my stomach. Exactly what I wanted to hear BUT WRONG GUY. So what do you do now?
Let's be honest girls, from the words of my friend, we all pray at one time or another that our exes will miss us. She had a point there. I did often wonder about this day but I didn't think I ever saw it becoming a reality, especially not while I am going through a break up.
I figured the best way to handle this would be to send a cold text back so I simply said "That's nice" and went to sleep. Because let's face it, when you're sending an old flame "i miss you" texts after hours you're either super wasted and/or need to scratch a certain itch..or worse, it's BOTH. And nothing good ever comes out of that. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Woke up the next morning and there was a response back. Jeez.
A part of me wanted to ask "How many girls do you text "i miss you" at once and how many responses have you actually gotten back? And out of all of them was I the first one your list , or last one?". I don't know which would offend me more, being the first one on his hit list, or the last one. Think about it.
Sigh....that's all I got for you today.
When you want them, they walk away but when you don't want them they come anyway.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
There Lives A Princess Inside My Head....Sometimes
A friend recently sent me a Buzzfeed article about "21 Things We All Do But Will Never Admit Too.." which was the inspiration behind this post.
These are thought bubbles I have had in my head during certain moments with ex-frogs which were not my most proudest moments. But it's a part of who I am and I can't stop myself from thinking these things, hence these are my thoughts.
Let's go back to a few weeks ago when I was given the only option of taking a ride in Mr. NYC's motorcycle. My many thought bubbles in that moment:
Ugh...why are you asking me if I brought closed toed shoes? Wait those are not the keys to your Lexus....UGH....the bike? REALLY? Did you not witness me doing my hair the last hour? Oh shit I forgot how to strap on the helmet and now you are going to make fun of me watching me try. Great, now I am going to have helmet hair the rest of the day :-( I hate you.
Here's a thought bubble from the time a few years ago we were out to dinner at a restaurant that was known for Southern food. You know I was thinking fried chicken and mashed potatoes but NOOOOOOO there was no fried chicken on the menu. No, Instead we ordered steamed crawfish as an appetizer (and you know my experience went downhill from there). I am always open to trying new things, but with food, I dunno it's usually a hit or a miss. Almost always a miss. I was crying on the inside because the waiter brought a sheet of paper that had instructions on how to "properly open up a crawfish and eat it". You'd think that would be a good thing for me right? But I guess someone forgot to tell him that I suck at following step by step directions. Sigh.
You just had to be there, I managed to get the hang of it towards the end and I silently prayed the entire time that I wouldn't fling a crawfish across the table and stab Mr. NYC in the eye with it (because let's face it, there was a really good possibility of that happening). P.S for dinner I went with salmon. I figured it was a safe bet. In case anyone wants to experience crawfish for themselves if you are ever in the Queens area, the restaurant is called "Cooking With Jazz". I did like the name. P.S.S They even give you a utensil that resembles a nut cracker to open these creatures. Enjoy!
Did I ever tell you the thoughts going through my head when I went to my first "house party"? First of all, I would like to say I am more prepared for things when I know about them in advance. I don't do well in spur of the moment decisions because my brain has not had time to "process" it. If that makes any sense. Yes I know I am beyond special in some ways. So when this was happening I was trying to collect myself and not let anyone around me (people I had just met for the first time) see the frantic look on my face. I channeled my friend Jess in my head. I think I even texted her for moral support but I had left my phone at the house so I never saw what she wrote back until I got home from the party. I think there were two thoughts going in circles in my head, "Oh sweet Jesus, what am I getting myself into?" and "Dear past college-self, why didn't you ever experience house parties during undergrad?". But to sum it up, it was a great (drunken) experience. I think at one point I stumbled on the porch and landed on some garbage bags. Go ahead, laugh...I sure did. It was funny.
With this story, I should have just spoken up but no, instead I allowed myself to die in misery. Summer of 2012. Took a trip to good old Hotlanta to see some guy my parents were setting me up with, remember Mr. I Smoke A Pack A Day? Yeah.......well during one trip he told me that his A/C in his car had been broken and he hadn't had time to fix it. I figured okay how am I supposed to react to that? Be a princess and be like "Oh hey yeah that is not going to work,I am gonna need you to rent yourself a car that is fully air conditioned because I cannot survive a 1.5 hours car ride to the middle of nowhere while I am frying away". Sigh. I should have just said that. But no, I had to keep my mouth shut and deal with the mess I got myself in. See, the first time I visited him he DID rent a car and I didn't know why..until my second trip. Let's just say the trip back to Hotlanta to a Braves' game one afternoon was not pretty. I had already sweated my life out in the 1.5 hours it took to get from West Point, GA to Atlanta. Now I had to sit through another 3 hours at a baseball game...in the heat. That was the time I came home and realized I got a farmer's tan from that game. Memo to self: Sunblock! Sunblock! Sunblock!!!!!!!!
P.S I am pretty sure he tried to hold my hand from the car to the stadium and I just gave him the death stare. Touch me and die, my hands are sweaty, so are yours...let's keep them to ourselves shall we?
Even funnier story: During the recent cabin trip Ex-Boo's truck had no A/C. I laughed inside to myself. If only he knew how ready I was to take a trip with no air conditioning. Bring it on, I know how to do this now and it wasn't hot as Hotlanta so this was BREEZE compared to ATL lol.
I guess life really does prepare you for the future...in some ways :-)
These are thought bubbles I have had in my head during certain moments with ex-frogs which were not my most proudest moments. But it's a part of who I am and I can't stop myself from thinking these things, hence these are my thoughts.
Let's go back to a few weeks ago when I was given the only option of taking a ride in Mr. NYC's motorcycle. My many thought bubbles in that moment:
Ugh...why are you asking me if I brought closed toed shoes? Wait those are not the keys to your Lexus....UGH....the bike? REALLY? Did you not witness me doing my hair the last hour? Oh shit I forgot how to strap on the helmet and now you are going to make fun of me watching me try. Great, now I am going to have helmet hair the rest of the day :-( I hate you.
Here's a thought bubble from the time a few years ago we were out to dinner at a restaurant that was known for Southern food. You know I was thinking fried chicken and mashed potatoes but NOOOOOOO there was no fried chicken on the menu. No, Instead we ordered steamed crawfish as an appetizer (and you know my experience went downhill from there). I am always open to trying new things, but with food, I dunno it's usually a hit or a miss. Almost always a miss. I was crying on the inside because the waiter brought a sheet of paper that had instructions on how to "properly open up a crawfish and eat it". You'd think that would be a good thing for me right? But I guess someone forgot to tell him that I suck at following step by step directions. Sigh.
You just had to be there, I managed to get the hang of it towards the end and I silently prayed the entire time that I wouldn't fling a crawfish across the table and stab Mr. NYC in the eye with it (because let's face it, there was a really good possibility of that happening). P.S for dinner I went with salmon. I figured it was a safe bet. In case anyone wants to experience crawfish for themselves if you are ever in the Queens area, the restaurant is called "Cooking With Jazz". I did like the name. P.S.S They even give you a utensil that resembles a nut cracker to open these creatures. Enjoy!
Did I ever tell you the thoughts going through my head when I went to my first "house party"? First of all, I would like to say I am more prepared for things when I know about them in advance. I don't do well in spur of the moment decisions because my brain has not had time to "process" it. If that makes any sense. Yes I know I am beyond special in some ways. So when this was happening I was trying to collect myself and not let anyone around me (people I had just met for the first time) see the frantic look on my face. I channeled my friend Jess in my head. I think I even texted her for moral support but I had left my phone at the house so I never saw what she wrote back until I got home from the party. I think there were two thoughts going in circles in my head, "Oh sweet Jesus, what am I getting myself into?" and "Dear past college-self, why didn't you ever experience house parties during undergrad?". But to sum it up, it was a great (drunken) experience. I think at one point I stumbled on the porch and landed on some garbage bags. Go ahead, laugh...I sure did. It was funny.
With this story, I should have just spoken up but no, instead I allowed myself to die in misery. Summer of 2012. Took a trip to good old Hotlanta to see some guy my parents were setting me up with, remember Mr. I Smoke A Pack A Day? Yeah.......well during one trip he told me that his A/C in his car had been broken and he hadn't had time to fix it. I figured okay how am I supposed to react to that? Be a princess and be like "Oh hey yeah that is not going to work,I am gonna need you to rent yourself a car that is fully air conditioned because I cannot survive a 1.5 hours car ride to the middle of nowhere while I am frying away". Sigh. I should have just said that. But no, I had to keep my mouth shut and deal with the mess I got myself in. See, the first time I visited him he DID rent a car and I didn't know why..until my second trip. Let's just say the trip back to Hotlanta to a Braves' game one afternoon was not pretty. I had already sweated my life out in the 1.5 hours it took to get from West Point, GA to Atlanta. Now I had to sit through another 3 hours at a baseball game...in the heat. That was the time I came home and realized I got a farmer's tan from that game. Memo to self: Sunblock! Sunblock! Sunblock!!!!!!!!
P.S I am pretty sure he tried to hold my hand from the car to the stadium and I just gave him the death stare. Touch me and die, my hands are sweaty, so are yours...let's keep them to ourselves shall we?
Even funnier story: During the recent cabin trip Ex-Boo's truck had no A/C. I laughed inside to myself. If only he knew how ready I was to take a trip with no air conditioning. Bring it on, I know how to do this now and it wasn't hot as Hotlanta so this was BREEZE compared to ATL lol.
I guess life really does prepare you for the future...in some ways :-)
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Oh, So Now You Want To Be My Friend?
Life always happens to me. A little overdramatic maybe, but let me explain.
Last night I was trying to go to bed and I was on Facebook before I fell asleep. Suddenly I see a "friend request" notification flash on my screen. And who was it from? Mr. NYC of course. My heart did not pound harder, my stomach did not twist into knots. I just laughed instead. If you've been De-friended by me, there was a reason behind it. Why do you insist on reconnecting on a level which no longer exists between us?
I recently saw him on a trip to New York and before everyone asks WHY oh WHY did you do that. Just hear me out. I needed a distraction. Yes that is my reasoning and I am sticking to it.
It was good though, because spending time with this ex-frog made me so thankful for not being with him today. The more time we spent together, the more I realized we were two different people. How we ever connected on a "relationship" level, is beyond me.
He is still the same old ass he has always been. The same old smart mouth, gum chewing, throwing around the F word like it's going out of style, man. The only thing that has changed was his "guns" (arms). They looked a lot buffer then when I had seen them last. (I am a sucker for arms...FYI). But was I going to tell him that? Of course not. There was no need to feed his ego...or else it would explode.
I rode on his motorcycle again, the same one he had bought when we were together. The only motorcycle I have ever been on. This time I noticed a sticker on the bike which read "No Fat Chicks Allowed". Sigh..Like I said, an ass will always be an ass, there's not much you can do about that.
I made sure to tell him what an ass he was, every chance I got. His response "You know you missed the asshole side of me". I replied with, "Yeah just like how I miss root canals."
We did connect on a friendship level after all the snarky comments were out of our system. We caught each other up on our individual lives, our families and siblings. At that moment and that moment only, I remembered he is a human being after all. I saw a spark of empathy in him and then just like that, it all went away.
While were catching up on family, I was wrestling with a bakery box where there was hazelnut cheesecake waiting for me. I was trying to untie a knot from a plastic bag with my hands and of course he goes "I gave you scissors and you're still struggling there?".
Ahfshfsddgdg! THAT is why we are not together (along with millions of other reasons) . Because of moments like that.
We went back to joking around. I told him he was going to remain a bachelor for life, he loves this lifestyle too much. A different girl every night, no commitments to tie him back....and he likes his space. I asked him to invite me to his 40th Birthday Party (in a few years) and we joked about how I would show up with my husband and 3 kids lol.
I saved the best story for last. I am a klutz, I have always been, and I can always manage to embarrass myself on a regular basis. But with this ex-frog, the moments of embarrassment all came at once. So why should this time be any different?
I was attempting to blow dry my hair and I was alone as he went to make a 15 min grocery run. In those 15 minutes I managed to cut off all the electricity in his house :-( I saw it happen too, with each second I noticed the lights flicker and I was wondering what was going on and it wasn't until the power went out I had remembered....always shut off the air conditioner before plugging in a blow dryer..or else you run the risk of blowing a fuse. Which is exactly what I did ;-/
You have no idea the number of thoughts that were going through my head in that moment. Mostly, I wanted to die of embarrassment and cry. But instead I mustered up some courage and called him and calmly asked "Uh....where is your fuse box.....?"
After a long sigh and then some laughter he responds with, "You were drying your hair huh.....? It's next to the sink...sit tight I'll be there in 5 minutes".
And of course as I was sitting in the dark I turned on my iphone "flashlight" app and if things couldn't get any worse I blinded him with the flashlight when he came home.
"Want some light so you can see?"
"Thank you for shining that directly at me, now I am blind..."
"I'll see myself out..."
...And this folks is one of the many reasons why we are no longer together.
So am I going to accept his friend request? I haven't decided yet. Sure we may be "friends" on some level, but there was a reason I De-friended him in the first place. For now I will just leave his friend request sitting in limbo.
Last night I was trying to go to bed and I was on Facebook before I fell asleep. Suddenly I see a "friend request" notification flash on my screen. And who was it from? Mr. NYC of course. My heart did not pound harder, my stomach did not twist into knots. I just laughed instead. If you've been De-friended by me, there was a reason behind it. Why do you insist on reconnecting on a level which no longer exists between us?
I recently saw him on a trip to New York and before everyone asks WHY oh WHY did you do that. Just hear me out. I needed a distraction. Yes that is my reasoning and I am sticking to it.
It was good though, because spending time with this ex-frog made me so thankful for not being with him today. The more time we spent together, the more I realized we were two different people. How we ever connected on a "relationship" level, is beyond me.
He is still the same old ass he has always been. The same old smart mouth, gum chewing, throwing around the F word like it's going out of style, man. The only thing that has changed was his "guns" (arms). They looked a lot buffer then when I had seen them last. (I am a sucker for arms...FYI). But was I going to tell him that? Of course not. There was no need to feed his ego...or else it would explode.
I rode on his motorcycle again, the same one he had bought when we were together. The only motorcycle I have ever been on. This time I noticed a sticker on the bike which read "No Fat Chicks Allowed". Sigh..Like I said, an ass will always be an ass, there's not much you can do about that.
I made sure to tell him what an ass he was, every chance I got. His response "You know you missed the asshole side of me". I replied with, "Yeah just like how I miss root canals."
We did connect on a friendship level after all the snarky comments were out of our system. We caught each other up on our individual lives, our families and siblings. At that moment and that moment only, I remembered he is a human being after all. I saw a spark of empathy in him and then just like that, it all went away.
While were catching up on family, I was wrestling with a bakery box where there was hazelnut cheesecake waiting for me. I was trying to untie a knot from a plastic bag with my hands and of course he goes "I gave you scissors and you're still struggling there?".
Ahfshfsddgdg! THAT is why we are not together (along with millions of other reasons) . Because of moments like that.
We went back to joking around. I told him he was going to remain a bachelor for life, he loves this lifestyle too much. A different girl every night, no commitments to tie him back....and he likes his space. I asked him to invite me to his 40th Birthday Party (in a few years) and we joked about how I would show up with my husband and 3 kids lol.
I saved the best story for last. I am a klutz, I have always been, and I can always manage to embarrass myself on a regular basis. But with this ex-frog, the moments of embarrassment all came at once. So why should this time be any different?
I was attempting to blow dry my hair and I was alone as he went to make a 15 min grocery run. In those 15 minutes I managed to cut off all the electricity in his house :-( I saw it happen too, with each second I noticed the lights flicker and I was wondering what was going on and it wasn't until the power went out I had remembered....always shut off the air conditioner before plugging in a blow dryer..or else you run the risk of blowing a fuse. Which is exactly what I did ;-/
You have no idea the number of thoughts that were going through my head in that moment. Mostly, I wanted to die of embarrassment and cry. But instead I mustered up some courage and called him and calmly asked "Uh....where is your fuse box.....?"
After a long sigh and then some laughter he responds with, "You were drying your hair huh.....? It's next to the sink...sit tight I'll be there in 5 minutes".
And of course as I was sitting in the dark I turned on my iphone "flashlight" app and if things couldn't get any worse I blinded him with the flashlight when he came home.
"Want some light so you can see?"
"Thank you for shining that directly at me, now I am blind..."
"I'll see myself out..."
...And this folks is one of the many reasons why we are no longer together.
So am I going to accept his friend request? I haven't decided yet. Sure we may be "friends" on some level, but there was a reason I De-friended him in the first place. For now I will just leave his friend request sitting in limbo.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
To Keep Or Not to Keep....That is the Question
For me, when a relationship ends....IT ENDS. I do not particularly enjoy keeping MOST memorabilia of past relationships. Simply because when I see them, it is a reminder of what isn't anymore. But you can call me a hypocrite because I do have SOME stuff from my past which I am not sure what to do about.
I have my favorite pair of earrings which were a birthday present from my first boyfriend. I say they are my favorite because I picked them out and he only paid for them. So in my mind that gift does not hold much sentimental value since the only part he played in it, came from his wallet. When we first broke up, I contemplated throwing it away in the ocean somewhere. Something about the satisfaction of tossing it was intriguing to me. Then I realized why should I punish these Sworwovski earrings for someone else's deeds?
So I have them till this day. I am actually wearing them right now as I type this very sentence :-)
On my dresser also sits a Movado watch. What..a Movado you say? Yup, I have had it in my possession for a few years now. How many times have I actually worn it? Well, I wore it religiously for a week when it was first presented to me by another ex-frog as a birthday present..and maybe twice after that on random occasions. I don't do watches, or any wrist jewellery, It's just not my thing.I've been debating pawning it forever now, just never got around to it.
I remember when Mr. NYC and I broke up I couldn't bare to see anything that he gave me. One of my friend's has the snow globe he got for me from Puerto Rico on her dresser. I thought it was a sweet gesture, I had told him to bring me back from sun and sand from PR and when I saw him, he presented me with the globe. Now I see it every time I visit my friend at her house. I wanted to smash that globe too, but she wouldn't let me. She also took a Gorilla we made out of sand art at a festival. I wanted to empty the remains of the Gorilla at work one day, but my friend being as caring as she is, took it away from me for safe keeping until one day I decided I wanted it back. The best satisfaction I got after that break up was running the birthday card he gave me threw a shredder. I thought it was cute, It said "Happy First Birthday (With Me)" on it. Awww how sweet...GAG.
With this recent break up, I went all ape shit. I really wanted to throw up the boxes and boxes of girl scout cookies he had brought me, which are now in my stomach....BUT it had been a few months and I am not going to try to shove my hand down my throat and get those remains back. NOT because it's not possible, but because it's too much damn work lol. I did however rip apart the Valentine's Day card and now I don't think I can bare to see any Winnie the Pooh memorabilia for a long time. I really loved my cactus desk plant, it was something that I always wanted and somehow ex-boo and I "connected" on the same wavelength when he brought it for me as a "surprise". But I had to let that one go too. This time there was no friend to talk some sense into me to "hold" on to it until I could bare to see it again.
I was having a conversation with one of my friend's today. I told her how I have Ex-Boo's t-shirt that I would sometimes wear to sleep when I missed him and how Winnie the Pooh is still a part of my small stuffed animal collection. I vented to her that a part of me really wanted to cut up the t-shirt and Pooh and deliver the remains to his doorstep. But she told me that was a little drastic and I agreed. We laughed about it though, because she and I both have a tendency to be really "belligerent" and "hostile" when we have been wronged. For now I will hold on to it...but I think it's safe to say I won't ever wear that t-shirt again.
Coincidentally....today the Gorilla sand art sits on my desk at work. I got it back from my friend a few months ago when she was cleaning out her desk. I guess time does do wonders. I can look at it without feeling anything for anyone. No memories of the past is associated with it. But it took a long time for me to get here. Welcome back to my life "Naila" the Gorilla, you were missed.
I know you all must think I am some kind of a crazy lunatic chic, and maybe to an extent I am. But girls, I am sure we all have been there before. You know exactly where I am coming from.....somewhere behind all this anger is a lot of hurt.
I have my favorite pair of earrings which were a birthday present from my first boyfriend. I say they are my favorite because I picked them out and he only paid for them. So in my mind that gift does not hold much sentimental value since the only part he played in it, came from his wallet. When we first broke up, I contemplated throwing it away in the ocean somewhere. Something about the satisfaction of tossing it was intriguing to me. Then I realized why should I punish these Sworwovski earrings for someone else's deeds?
So I have them till this day. I am actually wearing them right now as I type this very sentence :-)
On my dresser also sits a Movado watch. What..a Movado you say? Yup, I have had it in my possession for a few years now. How many times have I actually worn it? Well, I wore it religiously for a week when it was first presented to me by another ex-frog as a birthday present..and maybe twice after that on random occasions. I don't do watches, or any wrist jewellery, It's just not my thing.I've been debating pawning it forever now, just never got around to it.
I remember when Mr. NYC and I broke up I couldn't bare to see anything that he gave me. One of my friend's has the snow globe he got for me from Puerto Rico on her dresser. I thought it was a sweet gesture, I had told him to bring me back from sun and sand from PR and when I saw him, he presented me with the globe. Now I see it every time I visit my friend at her house. I wanted to smash that globe too, but she wouldn't let me. She also took a Gorilla we made out of sand art at a festival. I wanted to empty the remains of the Gorilla at work one day, but my friend being as caring as she is, took it away from me for safe keeping until one day I decided I wanted it back. The best satisfaction I got after that break up was running the birthday card he gave me threw a shredder. I thought it was cute, It said "Happy First Birthday (With Me)" on it. Awww how sweet...GAG.
With this recent break up, I went all ape shit. I really wanted to throw up the boxes and boxes of girl scout cookies he had brought me, which are now in my stomach....BUT it had been a few months and I am not going to try to shove my hand down my throat and get those remains back. NOT because it's not possible, but because it's too much damn work lol. I did however rip apart the Valentine's Day card and now I don't think I can bare to see any Winnie the Pooh memorabilia for a long time. I really loved my cactus desk plant, it was something that I always wanted and somehow ex-boo and I "connected" on the same wavelength when he brought it for me as a "surprise". But I had to let that one go too. This time there was no friend to talk some sense into me to "hold" on to it until I could bare to see it again.
I was having a conversation with one of my friend's today. I told her how I have Ex-Boo's t-shirt that I would sometimes wear to sleep when I missed him and how Winnie the Pooh is still a part of my small stuffed animal collection. I vented to her that a part of me really wanted to cut up the t-shirt and Pooh and deliver the remains to his doorstep. But she told me that was a little drastic and I agreed. We laughed about it though, because she and I both have a tendency to be really "belligerent" and "hostile" when we have been wronged. For now I will hold on to it...but I think it's safe to say I won't ever wear that t-shirt again.
Coincidentally....today the Gorilla sand art sits on my desk at work. I got it back from my friend a few months ago when she was cleaning out her desk. I guess time does do wonders. I can look at it without feeling anything for anyone. No memories of the past is associated with it. But it took a long time for me to get here. Welcome back to my life "Naila" the Gorilla, you were missed.
I know you all must think I am some kind of a crazy lunatic chic, and maybe to an extent I am. But girls, I am sure we all have been there before. You know exactly where I am coming from.....somewhere behind all this anger is a lot of hurt.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
The Inner Monologue of a Broken Heart
Dear Distressers, (yes that's what I call my fan club)...this is probably my most personal post yet. There will be some humor involved but mostly it's about what the title says. I could've chosen to keep this to myself but my blog and writing is a source of therapy for me and let's face it...real therapy sessions require time and devotion and laying on a couch and retail therapy was getting real expensive!
When did I first know something was wrong? Probably when I had to wait for you at the airport to come and get me. I was excited, I hadn't seen you in five weeks, I was counting down the minutes and seconds to when I would see your car drive up and I can run and give you a hug. While I was waiting I watched a girl wait for her man. I had front row seats and I watched their happy reunion. They were so excited to embrace one another. They wouldn't let each other go, it was slightly vomit worthy. I wondered if we would be like that. Inside I was fuming in anger because I was tired, sleepy and it was late. But once you finally came I did what I do best, I chose to let it go and focus on the weekend. I wanted to spend every second with you and create happy memories and not argue.
The second wind of "thing are not what they seem" was when I asked you when you would come see me next. You did not give me a firm reply, it was very wishy washy and again I ignored it and decided maybe it was my imagination and I was reading too much into it. The third wind was what confirmed my suspicions. We fought, we argued and things were said. I knew it was a turning point. I knew nothing could be taken back now.
...Moments earlier I had sobbed in your arms in the dark of the night of how I was so sad to leave you in a few days. I had let myself go completely and allowed my emotions get the best of me.
Then how did it all fall apart?
When I came home, I cried. I cried and cried because I knew something was wrong. Neither one of us wanted to talk about it.
I have come to the realization that the truth hurts. It stings in the depths of our hearts to hear the person you fell in love with tell you that one day they stopped feeling the same way. It's like all my life I knew I loved the color black, and then one day I realize that I don't really like black as much as I thought I did. That maybe it's gray or blue I prefer instead. But this is not the same....because with your words I painted a picture in my mind of our future which included a life and a family and a white picket fence, straight down to the soccer mom minivan.
I practiced writing my first name with your last name and even sent you a doodle of it once. You said you liked it...a lot.
Then how did it all fall apart?
And now I sit here with a brush in my hand. I have to gather the strength to paint a blank slate all over again.
I would be lying to you and myself if I said I fully forgive you for the false promises and dreams. I am not there yet.
The last perfect memory of us keeps flashing in my mind, we were sitting together by the fire and your friend made a comment about us. He said he wanted what we have. In my head I smiled and I was in awe. But now looking back I wondered if that was life jinxing us. We got "nazared" like one of my friends would say. I can't translate what it means literally but "we got jinxed" is a close definition.
The hardest decision I had to make was to choose to walk away. I chose to walk away instead of getting dragged.
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were."
I am a strong believer of "where there is a will there is a way". If we are meant to be then nothing in this world will stop us from being together. But I know a part of me just says it to pacify myself of the heartache I am experiencing now. I know that with time, the hope will slowly diminish and soon you will be nothing but a distant memory in my past.
"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans".
I think that is a perfect way to sum this all up.
....In the meantime, I need a new hobby. Basketball season is almost over. If Miami beats San Antonio to win the championship again, I will cry and weep. Dear Universe, you've already given me enough lemons to make lemonade for a lifetime, please direct the rest of the lemons to Miami.
When did I first know something was wrong? Probably when I had to wait for you at the airport to come and get me. I was excited, I hadn't seen you in five weeks, I was counting down the minutes and seconds to when I would see your car drive up and I can run and give you a hug. While I was waiting I watched a girl wait for her man. I had front row seats and I watched their happy reunion. They were so excited to embrace one another. They wouldn't let each other go, it was slightly vomit worthy. I wondered if we would be like that. Inside I was fuming in anger because I was tired, sleepy and it was late. But once you finally came I did what I do best, I chose to let it go and focus on the weekend. I wanted to spend every second with you and create happy memories and not argue.
The second wind of "thing are not what they seem" was when I asked you when you would come see me next. You did not give me a firm reply, it was very wishy washy and again I ignored it and decided maybe it was my imagination and I was reading too much into it. The third wind was what confirmed my suspicions. We fought, we argued and things were said. I knew it was a turning point. I knew nothing could be taken back now.
...Moments earlier I had sobbed in your arms in the dark of the night of how I was so sad to leave you in a few days. I had let myself go completely and allowed my emotions get the best of me.
Then how did it all fall apart?
When I came home, I cried. I cried and cried because I knew something was wrong. Neither one of us wanted to talk about it.
I have come to the realization that the truth hurts. It stings in the depths of our hearts to hear the person you fell in love with tell you that one day they stopped feeling the same way. It's like all my life I knew I loved the color black, and then one day I realize that I don't really like black as much as I thought I did. That maybe it's gray or blue I prefer instead. But this is not the same....because with your words I painted a picture in my mind of our future which included a life and a family and a white picket fence, straight down to the soccer mom minivan.
I practiced writing my first name with your last name and even sent you a doodle of it once. You said you liked it...a lot.
Then how did it all fall apart?
And now I sit here with a brush in my hand. I have to gather the strength to paint a blank slate all over again.
I would be lying to you and myself if I said I fully forgive you for the false promises and dreams. I am not there yet.
The last perfect memory of us keeps flashing in my mind, we were sitting together by the fire and your friend made a comment about us. He said he wanted what we have. In my head I smiled and I was in awe. But now looking back I wondered if that was life jinxing us. We got "nazared" like one of my friends would say. I can't translate what it means literally but "we got jinxed" is a close definition.
The hardest decision I had to make was to choose to walk away. I chose to walk away instead of getting dragged.
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were."
I am a strong believer of "where there is a will there is a way". If we are meant to be then nothing in this world will stop us from being together. But I know a part of me just says it to pacify myself of the heartache I am experiencing now. I know that with time, the hope will slowly diminish and soon you will be nothing but a distant memory in my past.
"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans".
I think that is a perfect way to sum this all up.
....In the meantime, I need a new hobby. Basketball season is almost over. If Miami beats San Antonio to win the championship again, I will cry and weep. Dear Universe, you've already given me enough lemons to make lemonade for a lifetime, please direct the rest of the lemons to Miami.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
A 10 Digit Panic Attack
I don't know about the rest of you....but my past ALWAYS comes colliding with my present when I am in a happy place. Let me take you back to a few weeks ago when I got a surprise blast from my past from Mr. NYC. The same weekend I was jumping up for joy in excitement for the cabin trip with my boo (in case you haven't figured it out by reading my last post, that's Mr. Ex-Boo now).
In case you need a refresher...Mr. NYC was the one who waited until I called him that one fateful October night of 2011(it was a Sunday night I believe) to break up with me. THANK GOD that weekend was a 3 day weekend, THANK YOU COLUMBUS FOR DISCOVERING AMERICA! You girls know what I am talking about, sometimes you hurt so bad it pains you to get up in the morning.
Flash forward to the present: It was probably a Wednesday or Thursday night, Mr. Ex-Boo and I were texting back and forth and I was truly happy and talking to him and secretly counting down the hours to when I could hug him and tell him exactly how much I was missing him. We were in a semi-serious conversation via text and I was halfway getting ready for bed.
Then...out of nowhere...as I am typing a reply text to Mr. Ex-Boo, I see a number flash above my phone. I deleted his number a long time ago, but I can recognize the area code and the last 4 digits. Immediately my heart sank because when I read the area code in my head. I knew exactly who it was from.
All these thoughts running through my head at the same time: "Why?", "What does he want?", "Is it weird that I get his text at the exact moment I am texting my significant other", "Does he know?". Seriously, there were millions of thoughts in a span of 5 seconds going through my head.
I calmly finish my text to Mr. Ex-Boo and then see what the other fool wants.
“How is your new job going?”
REALLY? THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW AND WHY YOU GAVE ME HALF OF A PANIC ATTACK?
What a fool, clearly someone forgot to tell him that this new job he is referring to is now 8 months old! Last time I had any communication with him he had sent me a birthday text and that was when I told him I had just gotten out of my old miserable job and starting a new one.
Apparently Mr. NYC had been "meaning" to get in touch with me for awhile. Of course in my head I'm thinking...WHY? We have nothing to say to each other. In case you forgot, you are the one who blocked me on facebook...so why are you reaching out?
What is really funny to me is how after all this time you could be over someone and not have any feelings for them but still cannot cross over to having a "normal" conversation with them. You girls know what I mean. You know what you guys really want to say to each other but tip toe around it and exchange regular "Hi" and "How are you's".
I knew exactly what I wanted to ask him: "Do you still not believe in feelings?", "How is your dad?", "Still with that other girl that you left at the train station a few months ago?" "Why yes..I did hear about that train station situation, in case you forget, we know some of the same people", "Have you changed your sheets yet? Because I remember every time I came to see you, you had the same white and orange comforter from IKEA that everyone and their mother has".
But instead I just asked him how he was doing and and if he was still living/working in the same place as when I knew him last. In case you are all wondering...the answer yes to both of those questions lol.
The moral of this story is sometimes it takes a blast from your past to realize (at least in that moment) that some things don't work out because better things are waiting for you. And that was the first time I actually thanked Mr. NYC. Had he not broken up with me, I wouldn't have been in a happier place with someone else who I love dearly. So, thank you Mr. NYC for being the asshole that you were/are. I am so glad we never worked out. Don't worry...I am sure there is a tortured soul out there for you who can be your better half. I am gladI got out of there when I did Errr, thank you for breaking up with me, when you did.
In case you need a refresher...Mr. NYC was the one who waited until I called him that one fateful October night of 2011(it was a Sunday night I believe) to break up with me. THANK GOD that weekend was a 3 day weekend, THANK YOU COLUMBUS FOR DISCOVERING AMERICA! You girls know what I am talking about, sometimes you hurt so bad it pains you to get up in the morning.
Flash forward to the present: It was probably a Wednesday or Thursday night, Mr. Ex-Boo and I were texting back and forth and I was truly happy and talking to him and secretly counting down the hours to when I could hug him and tell him exactly how much I was missing him. We were in a semi-serious conversation via text and I was halfway getting ready for bed.
Then...out of nowhere...as I am typing a reply text to Mr. Ex-Boo, I see a number flash above my phone. I deleted his number a long time ago, but I can recognize the area code and the last 4 digits. Immediately my heart sank because when I read the area code in my head. I knew exactly who it was from.
All these thoughts running through my head at the same time: "Why?", "What does he want?", "Is it weird that I get his text at the exact moment I am texting my significant other", "Does he know?". Seriously, there were millions of thoughts in a span of 5 seconds going through my head.
I calmly finish my text to Mr. Ex-Boo and then see what the other fool wants.
“How is your new job going?”
REALLY? THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW AND WHY YOU GAVE ME HALF OF A PANIC ATTACK?
What a fool, clearly someone forgot to tell him that this new job he is referring to is now 8 months old! Last time I had any communication with him he had sent me a birthday text and that was when I told him I had just gotten out of my old miserable job and starting a new one.
Apparently Mr. NYC had been "meaning" to get in touch with me for awhile. Of course in my head I'm thinking...WHY? We have nothing to say to each other. In case you forgot, you are the one who blocked me on facebook...so why are you reaching out?
What is really funny to me is how after all this time you could be over someone and not have any feelings for them but still cannot cross over to having a "normal" conversation with them. You girls know what I mean. You know what you guys really want to say to each other but tip toe around it and exchange regular "Hi" and "How are you's".
I knew exactly what I wanted to ask him: "Do you still not believe in feelings?", "How is your dad?", "Still with that other girl that you left at the train station a few months ago?" "Why yes..I did hear about that train station situation, in case you forget, we know some of the same people", "Have you changed your sheets yet? Because I remember every time I came to see you, you had the same white and orange comforter from IKEA that everyone and their mother has".
But instead I just asked him how he was doing and and if he was still living/working in the same place as when I knew him last. In case you are all wondering...the answer yes to both of those questions lol.
The moral of this story is sometimes it takes a blast from your past to realize (at least in that moment) that some things don't work out because better things are waiting for you. And that was the first time I actually thanked Mr. NYC. Had he not broken up with me, I wouldn't have been in a happier place with someone else who I love dearly. So, thank you Mr. NYC for being the asshole that you were/are. I am so glad we never worked out. Don't worry...I am sure there is a tortured soul out there for you who can be your better half. I am glad
Monday, June 10, 2013
Weekend Full of Fun, Football and A Princess
For those of you who know me, probably were confused when I told you all that I was going to spend Memorial Day Weekend with my (then) boyfriend in a Cabin...in the middle of nowhere....and a bunch of his (guy) friends.
Why on earth would I even agree to this guy bonding weekend? More importantly, where did this desire to become "one" with mother nature suddenly become so appealing to me? Me, the girl who screams when she sees a fly fast approaching and once locked herself in a friend's bathroom because other kids had brought a decapitated caterpillar in the house. (True Story!)
Well girls, when you love someone and you don't get to see them often, you will agree to (almost) anything in order to spend some time with them.
Actually to sum it all up, it was not that bad at all, I ended up having more fun than I thought I would. But of course I needed to share my experience with my fellow females just to entertain you all and let you in on some of the funny things I had to encounter.
One thing I am proud of myself for is going two days without showering. The proud part being I realized I did not stink with any bad BO, and came to the realization that people can survive without showering for a few days. (I also shower everyday and sometimes on hot summer days I have been known to shower twice a day). Go ahead, judge me...but at least I am clean! :-)
So yeah...the no shower thing. I had to suck it up and be okay with it. The last thing I wanted was to throw a tantrum in front of these guys and look like a princess. I can pick and chose my battles and this shower battle I decided was not worth fighting, so I made peace with it. But the "trying to brush my teeth in a public women's bathroom" is a whole different story. The cabin did not have a bathroom attached to it, it was made up of a small living room and two small bedrooms with bunk beds (and no doors, just curtains).
I woke up Sunday morning all tired and groggy and achy. The night before I had shared the bottom twin bunk with my ex-boo. Of course we both thought it was silly to sleep in both beds separately. No, we did not have a conversation about, it's just one of those things that you both "know" and don't need to talk about.
So I made my way to the public women's bathroom that morning a couple hundred yards down the road from the cabin. I knew it was going to be a challenge to wash my face and brush my teeth in bathroom sink. I thought it was going good until a few girls came in as I was attempting to wash my face. I'm sure they were wondering why this random girl was doing and where she spent the night. One of the girls made a comment and I just looked at her and laughed and said "Desperate times calls for desperate measures" lol.
P.S Don't drink dirty sink water...it tastes like raw metal going down your throat.
Another thing I discovered was that maybe all this time when I thought I had no athletic ability I was MAYBE wrong. I learned that if you throw a football to me in short distance, I will actually catch it. The guys and I tossed around a football for awhile.
Now this part is kind of embarrassing to admit. One of the guys was kind of cute in that "you look cute when I first saw you but as soon as you open your mouth I take it all back" kind of way. And I only say this because if I was single and totally into guys like him then I would probably go all goo goo ga ga over him. But not to worry girls, I had no intention of doing anything of that sort. I was perfectly happy with my man, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But eye candy is eye candy and sometimes you catch yourself in a thought bubble and it burst that exact moment.
While we were playing catch with the football eyecandy and I ran into each other and I caught myself in my head saying "You can run into me anytime, I won't object" lol. But of course it was just an innocent thought and nothing else. I actually felt horrible even thinking it in my head because right across from me was my boo and to even have that cross my mind killed me a little inside and I was mad at myself.
We moved on to playing Frisbee later on in the day, and I kid you not when I say this...but I actually broke a nail trying to catch that darn Frisbee. A nail! A nail I was trying to so hard to grow! Of course I would be the one to break a nail playing any sort of contact sport. But I am not that stupid to leave the game because of my nail casualty, plus if I left then it would be an odd number of people playing in teams. So you can only imagine my relief when more of his friends showed up. YES! It was a perfect opportunity to escape with a legit excuse! So of I went back to the cabin to "refresh" and watch the boys play. Trust me, they were much better off without me.
Funny while I was watching them play from the deck my ex-boo and I exchanged glances and he blew a kiss at me. I waved and blew a kiss back at him only to realize that at that exact moment one of his friends also waved at me and I prayed to God and hoped that his friend didn't think I was blowing a kiss at him. Because that would be totally awkward and shit like this ONLY happens to me!
So the rest of the weekend I refrained from doing anything that would cause mix signals or get myself in trouble with myself..or anyone else.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Memo to Self: Lock The Door When I'm Getting Dressed for Work In the Morning
It's never ending. Just when I had thought I had dodged a bullet, there it came flying back at me but with more daggers this time.
Remember my mother right? I knew it was coming, I had grown comfortable with the fact that MAYBE after the last fiasco with Mr.SRK that she would stop trying to get me married off. I know it sounds cruel the way I say it. Like it's a chore that needs to done so she can move on to the next one.
The truth is, my parents are not bad people, they are very down to earth and humble. They don't ask for much, they only want to see their daughters settle because apparently once you come to Amerika and give them a good education, marriage is the next "logical" step. It's a desi thing....I guess it's also a Greek thing (channeling My Big Fat Greek Wedding).
It only gets bad because my mother has a way of rubbing salt on old wounds and using emotional blackmail to make me see her point. This morning while I am getting ready for work and with only 4 hours of sleep she decided to corner me and tell me that she has 3 different proposals for me and she would like me to consider them. I did..took me 5 seconds to think about it and say no.
So this guy lives in London you say? On what planet did you think I would actually consider moving TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY for a guy...that I barely know. Of course if you are my mother you are already telling yourself that the dude will be moving to the U.S of A. (Jeez mom, does the guy have ANY say in this?).
Anyone want to move to London? Any Takers?????
Apparently there is another guy lurking around who is "a sweet and simple guy whose parents don't live here who doesn't really ask for much".......? Don't get me started, I don't even know what to say to that. But one thing I do know is, the ones who are "sweet" and "simple" are the ones you really have to watch out for. Again, remember Mr. SRK and The Mexican Drug Lord? NEED I SAY MORE???
The third guy is the best of them all....she would not tell me anything about him. A part of me thinks he doesn't even exist and she's just making him up. What mom, is he like the Twelver Imam who has gone into hiding, and will reappaer when you need him too? (No disrespect to any Shia people when I make this reference...it's the first thing that popped up in my head).
It was a bad way to start the morning. My mother and I disagree on this subject all the time.
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I never want to do anything intentionally to disappoint them. But this is my life.
I listened mom, you would be so proud. Little do you know that I am in a very committed relationship with a man who will live up to your expectations and I have been hiding him from you for almost half a year now. And the only reason I have been hiding him and not disclosing a big part of my life, is because you will jump on the crazy train as soon as I tell you and I am afraid he will walk away as soon as your crazy train arrives at his doorstep.
Like a puppet I danced to the beat of your drums trying to mold myself to become the person you wanted me to be and accept the proposals you brought without hesitation. I'm tired of it. I'm done. The future you see for me is not the future I see for myself. For once let me do things my way. Just have faith in me that the reason I was mean to you this morning is not because I don't want to settle down, it's because I want to do the right thing but you are making it really hard.
.....Meh enough sentimental thoughts. Maybe I should have just told her I was a Lesbian so she would have something new to worry about.
Until Next Time!
Remember my mother right? I knew it was coming, I had grown comfortable with the fact that MAYBE after the last fiasco with Mr.SRK that she would stop trying to get me married off. I know it sounds cruel the way I say it. Like it's a chore that needs to done so she can move on to the next one.
The truth is, my parents are not bad people, they are very down to earth and humble. They don't ask for much, they only want to see their daughters settle because apparently once you come to Amerika and give them a good education, marriage is the next "logical" step. It's a desi thing....I guess it's also a Greek thing (channeling My Big Fat Greek Wedding).
It only gets bad because my mother has a way of rubbing salt on old wounds and using emotional blackmail to make me see her point. This morning while I am getting ready for work and with only 4 hours of sleep she decided to corner me and tell me that she has 3 different proposals for me and she would like me to consider them. I did..took me 5 seconds to think about it and say no.
So this guy lives in London you say? On what planet did you think I would actually consider moving TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY for a guy...that I barely know. Of course if you are my mother you are already telling yourself that the dude will be moving to the U.S of A. (Jeez mom, does the guy have ANY say in this?).
Anyone want to move to London? Any Takers?????
Apparently there is another guy lurking around who is "a sweet and simple guy whose parents don't live here who doesn't really ask for much".......? Don't get me started, I don't even know what to say to that. But one thing I do know is, the ones who are "sweet" and "simple" are the ones you really have to watch out for. Again, remember Mr. SRK and The Mexican Drug Lord? NEED I SAY MORE???
The third guy is the best of them all....she would not tell me anything about him. A part of me thinks he doesn't even exist and she's just making him up. What mom, is he like the Twelver Imam who has gone into hiding, and will reappaer when you need him too? (No disrespect to any Shia people when I make this reference...it's the first thing that popped up in my head).
It was a bad way to start the morning. My mother and I disagree on this subject all the time.
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I never want to do anything intentionally to disappoint them. But this is my life.
I listened mom, you would be so proud. Little do you know that I am in a very committed relationship with a man who will live up to your expectations and I have been hiding him from you for almost half a year now. And the only reason I have been hiding him and not disclosing a big part of my life, is because you will jump on the crazy train as soon as I tell you and I am afraid he will walk away as soon as your crazy train arrives at his doorstep.
Like a puppet I danced to the beat of your drums trying to mold myself to become the person you wanted me to be and accept the proposals you brought without hesitation. I'm tired of it. I'm done. The future you see for me is not the future I see for myself. For once let me do things my way. Just have faith in me that the reason I was mean to you this morning is not because I don't want to settle down, it's because I want to do the right thing but you are making it really hard.
.....Meh enough sentimental thoughts. Maybe I should have just told her I was a Lesbian so she would have something new to worry about.
Until Next Time!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Desperate Times Calls For Desperate Measures
I would like to start of this post by saying I love my mother. And I need you all to remember that she is not a bad person.
However having said that, my mother is total cray-cray sometimes when it comes to the matters of fulfilling her life long dream of marrying off her oldest daughter, so she can start torturing the younger two. (You know, with all the craziness I had to endure, my sisters should be very thankful that I have remained a buffer in that department between our mother and them).
So all my life it has been drilled into my head by my mother that she doesn't care who I marry BUT that her only two requirements are that he be from the same country and practice the same religion. So imagine my surprise when I walked into my living room the other night and she goes "You know, I have an Indian friend, and she wanted to know if we would be open to looking at Indian guys for you......".
I'm sorry what?
You mean to tell me that for the past 25 years of my life when you had been making subtle hints about what kind of guy I need to marry and that good girls don't marry out of our culture and religion you have been lying to me? Do you mean to tell me that you were lying when you said I would have to see my father's dead face if I came home with an American guy? Was that just an empty threat?
DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME that all this time I had the option to explore into other options but I held back because anytime I would even THINK about dating the enemy (aka read American Christian dude) your scary Hitler voice popped into my head saying that was a huge no no?
I was dumbstruck.
Of course I did not say any of this things to her out loud, but these thoughts were playing in my head and I thought about saying them out loud, but past experiences have taught me to keep my mouth shut because it only hurts me in the end, and I was having a crappy week already so I did not need to add World War 3 with my mother to my plate lol.
After she made that comment I simply just got up and walked away. I was not going to ignite a fire where there was no need to do so.
I knew in the back of my head she was joking, but like I said before, my mother is cray-cray in this department. It's like she loses all her ability to think like the smart women that she is and becomes this crazy mother.
When this quest first started to find me a suitor, I remember her telling my dad and I that she would tell potential guys that her daughter (yours truly) is a very precious commodity and that I don't even pour my own glass of water......
I KNOW she cray!
This coming from my mother who yells at me for even leaving dirty plates in the sink because "we do not have maids to clean up after a mess, you clean up after yourself".
Sigh. Don't worry my dad I gave her a piece our mind when she made that ridiculous comment. God knows what she was smoking when she thought that line would actually appeal to potential suitors.
"Why yes, I have been searching for a spoiled brat to live the rest of my life with".
Moral of the story: Only you can prevent forest fires (by walking away silently and not contributing to a conversation that will never end in your favor).
P.S My mother really is a sweet person. A little scary but she means well at the end of the day. Just that sometimes her delivery from point A to point B is all wrong in her quest to find me a husband.
P.S.S I don't ever leave dirty plates in the sink....felt the need to make that clarification lol.
However having said that, my mother is total cray-cray sometimes when it comes to the matters of fulfilling her life long dream of marrying off her oldest daughter, so she can start torturing the younger two. (You know, with all the craziness I had to endure, my sisters should be very thankful that I have remained a buffer in that department between our mother and them).
So all my life it has been drilled into my head by my mother that she doesn't care who I marry BUT that her only two requirements are that he be from the same country and practice the same religion. So imagine my surprise when I walked into my living room the other night and she goes "You know, I have an Indian friend, and she wanted to know if we would be open to looking at Indian guys for you......".
I'm sorry what?
You mean to tell me that for the past 25 years of my life when you had been making subtle hints about what kind of guy I need to marry and that good girls don't marry out of our culture and religion you have been lying to me? Do you mean to tell me that you were lying when you said I would have to see my father's dead face if I came home with an American guy? Was that just an empty threat?
DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME that all this time I had the option to explore into other options but I held back because anytime I would even THINK about dating the enemy (aka read American Christian dude) your scary Hitler voice popped into my head saying that was a huge no no?
I was dumbstruck.
Of course I did not say any of this things to her out loud, but these thoughts were playing in my head and I thought about saying them out loud, but past experiences have taught me to keep my mouth shut because it only hurts me in the end, and I was having a crappy week already so I did not need to add World War 3 with my mother to my plate lol.
After she made that comment I simply just got up and walked away. I was not going to ignite a fire where there was no need to do so.
I knew in the back of my head she was joking, but like I said before, my mother is cray-cray in this department. It's like she loses all her ability to think like the smart women that she is and becomes this crazy mother.
When this quest first started to find me a suitor, I remember her telling my dad and I that she would tell potential guys that her daughter (yours truly) is a very precious commodity and that I don't even pour my own glass of water......
I KNOW she cray!
This coming from my mother who yells at me for even leaving dirty plates in the sink because "we do not have maids to clean up after a mess, you clean up after yourself".
Sigh. Don't worry my dad I gave her a piece our mind when she made that ridiculous comment. God knows what she was smoking when she thought that line would actually appeal to potential suitors.
"Why yes, I have been searching for a spoiled brat to live the rest of my life with".
Moral of the story: Only you can prevent forest fires (by walking away silently and not contributing to a conversation that will never end in your favor).
P.S My mother really is a sweet person. A little scary but she means well at the end of the day. Just that sometimes her delivery from point A to point B is all wrong in her quest to find me a husband.
P.S.S I don't ever leave dirty plates in the sink....felt the need to make that clarification lol.
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