Dear Allah, Will You Forgive Me?

Since I was old enough to be considered marriage material my mother has told me over and over and OVER again that I can marry anyone I want as long as he and I are from the same country and are the same religion.

More recently one my friends and I had a late night conversation about converting and I awkwardly confessed to her that I wondered if Allah would be mad at me if I converted to a different religion. If starting tomorrow I decided to abandon the religion that I’ve been practicing for 25 years, when I die, would Allah hate me for leaving? Not that I am even thinking about it but still it’s in interesting concept to wonder about sometimes.

Her reaction was if I felt guilty about even thinking about converting, then maybe that’s a clear cut sign that I shouldn’t convert.

We both started bursting out laughing. She was laughing at my fear that Allah is looking down at me and mad because I even thought about the prospect of praying to a different God or Gods. I was laughing because I can’t believe we were actually having this conversation.

It gets better. A few weeks later (on Halloween) as I am approaching my car to go home after dinner with a friend I find a pamphlet on my windshield which looks like a small comic strip book and the title reads “ A Lost Princess”. With drawings and everything. The very last page of the comic strip said “Come home to Jesus Christ”.

Of course this is my luck I thought. Allah is now testing me to see how I would react to this. On the outside I was laughing, on the inside I was secretly worried for a little bit (j/k….yes, no?) what if Allah WAS testing me?

I told my friend this story the next day and again she reiterated; this is a clear sign you should never convert. Oh the irony that is my life.

How this ties into marriage? This led me to wonder if I would ever have the courage to convert to a different religion or even marry someone who was not a Muslim.

What would my mother do? She would probably disown me . No joke.

In case you are wondering, even as I type this somewhere in my mind I am wondering if Allah is watching me and shaking his head in dismay.

(Please forgive me Allah, I was only thinking out loud ...... all those times).