I Now Pronounce You Mr. and Mrs......

Remember how I mentioned a few posts back about the time I came close to getting married?

Let's discuss that moment, shall we? It was December of 2007 or 2008. Can't recall if it was my sophomore or junior year of college. Nonetheless, I was still in college at the time.

After one miserable failed attempt at trying to marry me off to a guy who was a decade plus one year older than I, the parental unit decided this time the will try a new approach. I to this day don't recall how they found this dude or more important - why I agreed to all this.

This has to do with Mr. Cricket. That character I discussed in a previous post in reference to that Thanksgiving blind date. That's the nickname my friends and I gave him. I think for awhile the ringtone for him on my phone was the chirping crickets. Lol. I can't believe I did that.

I don't remember actually saying "YES mom and dad I will marry this person who I only met twice, who doesn't have job and the only stable thing in his life is that he plays cricket on Sunday afternoons in a park in Queens, NY with all the other neighborhood desis". I was trying to imagine myself married and living in NY, and trying to get used to sunday afternoon cricket matches. 

Would I be expected to go and watch? Which would kill me first, trying to understand the sport of Cricket or living in a city with a man I hardly knew?

Oh....and did we mention how his student visa was expiring in two months so he would need to do something to stay in the country? 

All this was kind of happening right around me and next thing you know my friends and I were even talking about it and planning out a wedding. MY WEDDING.

I remember conversations at Coldstones about what color to wear at my engagement, maybe a fuscia color lehenga or even orange? None of this was sinking in for me at all. It felt like I was watching a movie or a soap opera while it was happening to someone else.

I can't recall if Mr. Cricket and I had any conversations about the thoughts of spending the rest of our lives together. It felt like my parents and his older brother was stirring the ship along and he and I were just passengers on this dysfunctional cruise.

I think the moment it started to sink in was during a private conversation between two of my friends and I at a Taco Bell late one night. We are discussing if I was going to get engaged only or having a nikkah done actually getting married). I remember them trying to scare me about the idea of consummating the marriage after the nikkah. I remember being terrified at the thought of having to consummate a marriage with a man I had only known for 2 months. Ew, no way in hell that's gonna happen. 

Memo to self: Have a very uncomfortable conversation with my mother about the "logistics" of this nikkah business.

I remember my parents telling my grandparents and relatives back home about the possibility of a marriage coming up really soon. 

And it all fell apart as quickly as it had happened. I can't remember who was the first to say no to this marriage. All I remember is a phone call between my dad and Mr. Cricket's brother. I could tell my dad was upset and angry all at once.

And then I remember experiencing the one real emotion in the span of the last 2 months. Sadness.

I was upset. I couldn't put it into words exactly. Was I sad at the idea of not getting married to a stranger? I think so.

You see, no matter how much I felt like this was a movie and someone else was the bride, deep down inside I was getting excited at the idea of my wedding. And when that bubble popped I felt like I woke up from a dream that seemed so real. 

And I'm not even embarrassed to admit that I was upset. Sure, I had no genuine feeling for this guy, but when you yourself start to believe something everyone around you is telling you, it's natural to feel a little blue when it all falls apart.