The Art of Being An Asshole

I have always wondered this question: What makes an a-hole, an a-hole?

I will be the first person to tell you I have come across my fair share of a-holes in this lifetime. Then again I will also tell you that they weren't always a-holes. It always seemed that they started out just fine but later down the road they started showing shades of a-hole like qualities, which lead to me being paranoid, which lead to a full blown a-hole experience. 

I remember one particular a-hole which we shall not name, but if you remember a few posts back how I am still waiting for a formal "break up" conversation to happen (as of right now, it's been 143 days...not that I am counting or anything) and that is yet to take place. But rest your hearts, before you feel the need to smack me in the head, because no one is really waiting for that conversation to ever happen. Some us are adults about certain situations, and some of us act like kids and will wait for the other person to play the adult role. God, he as such an asshole. How are you going to tell me that you cannot tell a lie and then lie about a million things? Someone should take lesson from this kid (and maybe send a maid his way so that poor house can finally get cleaned/burned down).

The next two asshole experiences are in competition with each other. I cannot rank who comes first and who comes second. It's a virtual tie. How I went from one asshole to another is beyond me, but hey, it happened and I have since learned from it (well, maybe not entirely..but I am getting there). The first asshole thought him going way to a foreign country and getting married (while i waited for him) and not telling me about it was the biggest favor he could ever do to me. Really? (Do you want to toilet paper his house, or should I?). How the fuck do you justify not telling your girlfriend you are getting married to someone else and expect her to be okay with it??? Why on earth would you think you were doing her a favor?? Let's think about this for a second, what must have been going through his head - "Hmm, I think I am doing her a big favor because what she doesn't know won't kill her, this way I can get my cake and eat it too...."

Jeez, some people really have a screwed up view of the world. 

Asshole #3 might take the cake though. I always saw his shades of asshole like tendencies (I mean who else pees on the side of the street in a dark alley and expects you to hold his dirty hand afterwards?). But the really asshole like thing to do was wait for me to call you up so you can break up with me. Sigh. I knew that night was going to end horribly when I saw an off color text at 12am in the morning. Correct me if I am wrong, but who jumps for joy reading a text which makes your heart drop and turn inside out so fast you don't know what to do with yourself? NO ONE. 

Dear Asshole #3, the least you could have done was allow me to get a goodnight's sleep and asked to talk about it at a more decent hour of the day. But wait, I forgot, you are an asshole so you have no sense of decency and respect for other people's time and feelings :-)

Funny thing though, I recently found out he was more of an asshole to another girl he was dating than he ever was to me. I mean, who drops the girl you are seeing in the middle of the night at a station in an unknown city to find her way home? An asshole, that's who! I actually laughed at that situation because of two reasons. One, he saved the best asshole type behavior for the next girl and secondly, they both deserve each other. It doesn't get any better than that lol. 

But I think what I am really trying to get at is that maybe I am the defected one. Maybe my asshole radar is broken and I need to get it fixed. Because I am the common denominator in all these stories. 

Moral of the story is, you will always see the best in people, until they start giving you reasons not too, (at least that is how I function). 

Which also begs the question, if that is the case...then in whose book of life am I the chapter labeled as an "Asshole"? 

(I don't think I really want to find out).