Desperate Times Calls For Desperate Measures

I would like to start of this post by saying I love my mother. And I need you all to remember that she is not a bad person.

However having said that, my mother is total cray-cray sometimes when it comes to the matters of fulfilling her life long dream of marrying off her oldest daughter, so she can start torturing the younger two. (You know, with all the craziness I had to endure, my sisters should be very thankful that I have remained a buffer in that department between our mother and them).

So all my life it has been drilled into my head by my mother that she doesn't care who I marry BUT that her only two requirements are that he be from the same country and practice the same religion. So imagine my surprise when I walked into my living room the other night and she goes "You know, I have an Indian friend, and she wanted to know if we would be open to looking at Indian guys for you......".

I'm sorry what? 

You mean to tell me that for the past 25 years of my life when you had been making subtle hints about what kind of guy I need to marry and that good girls don't marry out of our culture and religion you have been lying to me? Do you mean to tell me that you were lying when you said I would have to see my father's dead face if I came home with an American guy? Was that just an empty threat? 

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME that all this time I had the option to explore into other options but I held back because anytime I would even THINK about dating the enemy (aka read American Christian dude) your scary Hitler voice popped into my head saying that was a huge no no?

I was dumbstruck.

Of course I did not say any of this things to her out loud, but these thoughts were playing in my head and I thought about saying them out loud, but past experiences have taught me to keep my mouth shut because it only hurts me in the end, and I was having a crappy week already so I did not need to add World War 3 with my mother to my plate lol.

After she made that comment I simply just got up and walked away. I was not going to ignite a fire where there was no need to do so.

I knew in the back of my head she was joking, but like I said before, my mother is cray-cray in this department. It's like she loses all her ability to think like the smart women that she is and becomes this crazy mother. 

When this quest first started to find me a suitor, I remember her telling my dad and I that she would tell potential guys that her daughter (yours truly) is a very precious commodity and that I don't even pour my own glass of water......

I KNOW she cray!

This coming from my mother who yells at me for even leaving dirty plates in the sink because "we do not have maids to clean up after a mess, you clean up after yourself". 

Sigh. Don't worry my dad I gave her a piece our mind when she made that ridiculous comment. God knows what she was smoking when she thought that line would actually appeal to potential suitors.

"Why yes, I have been searching for a spoiled brat to live the rest of my life with".

Moral of the story: Only you can prevent forest fires (by walking away silently and not contributing to a conversation that will never end in your favor).

P.S My mother really is a sweet person. A little scary but she means well at the end of the day. Just that sometimes her delivery from point A to point B is all wrong in her quest to find me a husband. 

P.S.S I don't ever leave dirty plates in the sink....felt the need to make that clarification lol.

The Art of Being An Asshole

I have always wondered this question: What makes an a-hole, an a-hole?

I will be the first person to tell you I have come across my fair share of a-holes in this lifetime. Then again I will also tell you that they weren't always a-holes. It always seemed that they started out just fine but later down the road they started showing shades of a-hole like qualities, which lead to me being paranoid, which lead to a full blown a-hole experience. 

I remember one particular a-hole which we shall not name, but if you remember a few posts back how I am still waiting for a formal "break up" conversation to happen (as of right now, it's been 143 days...not that I am counting or anything) and that is yet to take place. But rest your hearts, before you feel the need to smack me in the head, because no one is really waiting for that conversation to ever happen. Some us are adults about certain situations, and some of us act like kids and will wait for the other person to play the adult role. God, he as such an asshole. How are you going to tell me that you cannot tell a lie and then lie about a million things? Someone should take lesson from this kid (and maybe send a maid his way so that poor house can finally get cleaned/burned down).

The next two asshole experiences are in competition with each other. I cannot rank who comes first and who comes second. It's a virtual tie. How I went from one asshole to another is beyond me, but hey, it happened and I have since learned from it (well, maybe not entirely..but I am getting there). The first asshole thought him going way to a foreign country and getting married (while i waited for him) and not telling me about it was the biggest favor he could ever do to me. Really? (Do you want to toilet paper his house, or should I?). How the fuck do you justify not telling your girlfriend you are getting married to someone else and expect her to be okay with it??? Why on earth would you think you were doing her a favor?? Let's think about this for a second, what must have been going through his head - "Hmm, I think I am doing her a big favor because what she doesn't know won't kill her, this way I can get my cake and eat it too...."

Jeez, some people really have a screwed up view of the world. 

Asshole #3 might take the cake though. I always saw his shades of asshole like tendencies (I mean who else pees on the side of the street in a dark alley and expects you to hold his dirty hand afterwards?). But the really asshole like thing to do was wait for me to call you up so you can break up with me. Sigh. I knew that night was going to end horribly when I saw an off color text at 12am in the morning. Correct me if I am wrong, but who jumps for joy reading a text which makes your heart drop and turn inside out so fast you don't know what to do with yourself? NO ONE. 

Dear Asshole #3, the least you could have done was allow me to get a goodnight's sleep and asked to talk about it at a more decent hour of the day. But wait, I forgot, you are an asshole so you have no sense of decency and respect for other people's time and feelings :-)

Funny thing though, I recently found out he was more of an asshole to another girl he was dating than he ever was to me. I mean, who drops the girl you are seeing in the middle of the night at a station in an unknown city to find her way home? An asshole, that's who! I actually laughed at that situation because of two reasons. One, he saved the best asshole type behavior for the next girl and secondly, they both deserve each other. It doesn't get any better than that lol. 

But I think what I am really trying to get at is that maybe I am the defected one. Maybe my asshole radar is broken and I need to get it fixed. Because I am the common denominator in all these stories. 

Moral of the story is, you will always see the best in people, until they start giving you reasons not too, (at least that is how I function). 

Which also begs the question, if that is the case...then in whose book of life am I the chapter labeled as an "Asshole"? 

(I don't think I really want to find out).